The Summer I Fell for You
by EmilyScribbles
Summary: It's Lily's family trip back to Mexico, although it's not much of a family trip anymore. Lily's mum died the year before of breast cancer and Lily's main focus is to get through the 3 weeks with as little drama as possible. But when a familiar face moves into the beach hut next door, little drama is proving to be more difficult than she previously thought.
1. Chapter 1: Returning to Mexico

**Summary: It's Lily's family trip back to Mexico, although it's not much of a family trip anymore. Lily's mum died the year before of breast cancer and Lily's main focus is to get through the 3 weeks with as little drama as possible. She certainly did not expect to be falling in love with the arrogant, self-absorbed quiditch player that is James Potter.**

"Are you ready Lil?" my dad asked poking his head round the door

I sound really ungrateful; I know most people would give their right arm to have their own beach hut just off the coast of Mexico. Don't get me wrong I love going it's amazing. It's just… well… it's a family trip, and we're not exactly a family… anymore.

At the end of last summer my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, a few months later she died. I know my dad blames himself, he says if he'd only have done something sooner. I didn't see him after mum died, and Petunia refused to write me. My auntie Clara told me he was in an awful state he wouldn't talk to anyone for weeks. But can you really blame him?

I don't blame myself for how my dad reacted, but I just wish I could have been there, to help him. Or support him; I think I needed some support to. It was a rough few months, there was talk of sending me home. The professors thought I needed to spend some time with my family, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back into the kitchen knowing I'd never see my mum frosting cupcakes again. I couldn't go back to the grocery store knowing she would never make my get the beans off the top shelf because she was too tall to reach.

I went back for the funeral and that's what made me certain I couldn't stay, seeing everyone's distraught faces, I tried to keep it hushed at school, I didn't want the fuss, and also I found that when people knew they would treat me differently. It was like they danced around me in case they said anything wrong. I used my studies to distract me, I know I did. That was wrong of me, I should have faced the problem front on, instead of hiding behind work. Because eventually work runs out, and then you've nothing to hide behind anymore.

"Yeh I'm ready dad" I say and follow him out the front door, taking my trunk behind me.

I try to sleep on the plane, but give up after the air hostess asks for the 5th time if I want any snacks –all of which times I've said no- Petunias asleep, dads awake. Now and again he looks over at me and says something like "This is going to be fun" or "maybe we can go surfing this year, I've always wanted to surf." I agree to the surfing because honestly he's trying his very hardest rejecting him would not make it easier.

We pull up to the house, it really is stunning, and it's only metres away from the beach. One time Petunia and I decided to camp on the beach, we had tea on there and slept in a tent under the starts. The beach hut is white, I remember my mum painting it white, she spent days doing it and would get really angry at us for trying to help because we would paint it wrong and it looked a mess.

I clamber out of the car and walk up the steps to the porch, it's like nothing has changed from when I was 11 and I first stepped on here, there's a light dusting of sand covering the floor and my mum used to get really frustrated whenever we traipsed sand into the house.

There's a hammock on the porch, I love reading in the hammock I would read for hours on it. Then my dad would come and find me and tell me I needed to go to bed because it was too late to be reading "but I've only just come out" I would say "Lily you've been out here for hours" he would say and then laugh to himself.

"Home sweet holiday" my dad shouts and comes running up the steps and into the house

My sister follows him into the house without even acknowledging me.

I can't go into the house, not yet. It's too early. I turn on my heels and face the ocean, the ocean is beautiful. I wonder what it would be like to be a fish. Fish have no worries, there mums don't spend 16 years with you and then all of a sudden vanish.

"Lily?" I look around for the source of the voice; it's a man's voice, not my dad's though. "Lily?" I turn my head to the right and stood on the porch across from me is James Potter. Oh great if this trip wasn't depressing enough now I'd have to deal with the pricks stupid remarks all summer.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS THAT- NO THAT CAN'T BE

IT ISN'T

I'M JUST GOING BLIND

BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT THAT'S-

"James Potter!?" I ask/shout. The shock in my voice was astounding, but how often do you see the prat you go to school with stood on the porch opposite you whilst you're on your annual family trip - I'm going to have to think of a new name for that.

James and I never really got along, in fact I hated him. I'm not exactly his best mate anymore either, but I have to tolerate him I guess because my best friend Maysie is and has been in a relationship with Sirius Black (James's best friend.) I don't really devote my time to him and have only actually had a few decent conversations with him overall.

I_ used_ to hate him though and when I say hate, I mean really hate. He and his friends seemed to take great pleasure in annoying the hell out of me. Do you want to know what the first thing he said to me was "Hey, excuse me your blocking my view of that girl over there." Yeh I know it doesn't exactly seem like a hate worthy remark, but it kind of set the tone for the entire relationship. From then on I received numerous pranks such as stink bombs in my bag, potions sabotaged. But the most annoying one of all was when he asked me out every other day! The first time it was hysterical, and the second time was a little funny but after the 12th time I begun to get more than a little annoyed. Only this only made him want to ask me out more.

"Lily what are you doing here?" he asks

"This is _my_ beach hut" I manage to force out, still trying to process the fact that James Potter is stood on the porch across from me and will be living next door to me for the next however any weeks. Hell.

"James? Are you coming for a swim?" A perky blonde runs up the stairs in front of him. She's in a pink bikini two sizes too small for her and she flashes her gleaming white teeth at him when she speaks.

"Ugh yeah Jessica, I'll be down in a second" he says to her and ruffles the back of his hair. They both turn to face me and suddenly I feel very uncomfortable and slightly insecure. I've never been all that bothered about the way I look before, but somehow with this stunning, skinny, blondy, booby girl I am faced with I start to feel shaky and like I need to go and apply a thick layer of makeup and maybe some bikini padding. I'm sure Petunia will have some.

"Bye" I tell them both and enter our house –not to get boob padding- I hear her squeal excitedly as I leave and then watch them take off down the beach together. Bastard.

My mum used to tell me that when boys do mean things to girls it means they like them, but I can hardly see how James Potter would ever like me. Not when he has –and I'm not exaggerating when I say hundreds- of stunning girls just like Jessica lined up to be his girlfriend.

"What do you think Lil?" my dad asks as I plonk myself down on the sofa

"About what?" I ask him

"About going whale watching. Your sister says it's a bad idea. What do you think?" he asks hopefully

I shoot my sister a really-that-is-not-helping stare and answer in what I hope was an enthusiastic tone "yeh that sounds like fun"

He smiles and kisses me on the forehead "Thanks Lil"

* * *

Even if I hadn't woken up to find my sister shaking me vigorously with her bony hands I could tell instantly by what she was wearing (old t-shirt, fancy white skirt and hair in rollers, clutching the hair dryer) that she had a major problem, no doubt regarding tonight's event and it was clearly require my immediate attention.

"Lily, wake up" I roll over and snuggle further into the covers, sometimes Petunias loud squawking voice is too much for a Sunday morning/afternoon I'm not really sure which one, but morning or afternoon, living with Petunia is a full time job. My dad must really be a miracle worker.

Thank Merlin I have Hogwarts to escape to for most of the year, otherwise I'd be going out of my mind with hair this, hair that, pink this, pink that and the dreaded words she uses at least once a week "shopping spree."

"Lily I need to borrow a top for my date" she says urgently

I point to my trunk and hear her scurry a long then flip open the lid.

"Ugh, does no-one in this ruddy house have any decent clothes" she shouts.

Okay, so I need to get rid of her "Well I could always magic some up for-"

"No" she storms out back into her room, but returns only seconds later to grab her beloved hair dryer. I don't know why but Petunia hates magic, all year while I'm at Hogwarts she refuses to write and then for the first few weeks of the holidays she's always really iffy with me, like I'm going to whip out my wand and turn her into a frog.

I'm not really supposed to use magic in the summer. Not because of the school or anything no, after you turn 17 it's okay to use it while away from Hogwarts, but my parents. Even though they are completely accepting of magic and love me using it. It only causes a big family spat between me and my sister so I've been told to avoid doing it when she's not around.

"She just misses you when you're away, and needs reminding that you're still the same Lily" my mum would tell me. Well sorry mum but I'm not the same Lily. I don't obsess over Petunia and my hair like I used to, because being at Hogwarts made me realise there's more to life than playing dress up all day.

Then it hit me _Petunia has a date?_ Who the hell could Petunia have a date with? I mean we haven't even been here for a day and she already has a date. Can you say desperate and pathetic?

"Who do _you_ have a date with?" I ask her, she is stood in front of the mirror, curlers in hand. There are so many clothes sprawled across her bedroom I can't even see her spotty pink bed sheets.

Halfway through my inspection my gaze is stopped by her bony figure "I hardly see how that's any of your business" her arms are folded across her chest and she's speaking to me as if she's scored a date with Brendon Krum (A very famous and attractive quiditch player for the Bulgarian national quiditch team –and the extent of my quiditch knowledge doesn't go much further than who the hottest players are- and I don't think Petunia would get a date with him as he is not only way to good looking for her, but also from the wizarding world, so as soon as my sister found out she would most likely run in fear and hide in the nearest cave.

"Why?" I ask her, a little hurt she won't share her dating information with me

"Because you're my freak sister and I don't want you anywhere near people I like" she says and slams the door right in my face, causing me to take a jump back to avoid being hit in the face.

Well then.

* * *

I walk grumpily into the kitchen to find my dad sipping away at his orange juice and reading the morning paper, not that he can actually read it –it's in Mexican- but he likes to guess what's going to so he has something to chat about with the locals when he goes into town.

"Morning" I say before going to give him a hug

"Morning" he says and kisses the top of my forehead "Honestly Lily I don't know how you lie in for so long" I glance at the clock on the wall 1:15, so maybe I went to bed a little late last night but I was reading and lost track of time, how can you fault reading? "Where's your sister?" he asks anyone who didn't know my dad as well as I do wouldn't have noticed the slight waver of panic in his voice as he spoke

"She's upstairs dad" I reassure him and glance at the stairs, if my dad noticed the disgust in my voice when I said that he sure didn't show it

"Oh right, well I'm going into town to get some food, I think there's orange juice and cereal left though" he says before dashing out the door

I decide that a shower is in order and plods up the stairs into the bathroom. The bathroom is stunning; it's completely white with blue towels and soaps that smell like lavender. I grab the mango scented shampoo from my room and step under the water.

Too cold, too cold, TOO COLD.

I quickly reach out for my wand and within a few seconds the water turns a more comfortable temperature.

After my shower –which was very relaxing- I throw on a pair of denim shorts and a white t-shirt, I flick my wand and not only does my hair dry automatically, but it also throws it into a satisfying ponytail. I search through my bag for a book and then make my way outside onto the hammock.

This really was how I intended to spend the rest of my day, maybe with a quick lunch break, but apart from that my plan was relax and read.

"Hello, you must be Lily" I look up from my book as a pretty Lady walks up the stairs, her long dark hair is falling loosely down her back and it must stretch to her bum. I sigh, I always wanted long hair, but every time I came close to getting it long there would always be nits or something going round and I was forced into getting a haircut.

**_Note to self: _**Search through books for a charm on hair growth

"Yes I am" I say, she looks slightly familiar but she must have suspected from the tone in my voice that I had no idea who the hell she was

"I'm Mrs Potter, from next door" she says brightly, oh well that explains that.

"Oh, you're James mum?" I say and stand up to greet her

"Yes, yes. But please call me Linda" she insists and waves her hand around. I look her up and down, so I see where James gets his bright eyes from. Her wand is sticking helplessly out of her cardigan pocket and she looks like one of those people who would be beautiful if they had just rolled out of bed at 4 o'clock in the morning after being kept up all night by the next door neighbour's dog.

"Okay" I say.

We stand there awkwardly for a few seconds until –thankfully- she breaks the silence "So how's Hogwarts going for you, it's getting tough now isn't it?" she says politely

"Yes, with all the exams coming up I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up"

"Linda? Linda are you bothering the neighbours again?" I look up at the tall man who has just ascended our stairs and now towers above me on the porch "I'm sorry dear, she can talk for hours" he kisses her on the forehead and she rolls her eyes. I can't help but smile at their little couple joke.

My parents used to have those, you know before. My dad always complained that my mum would drive really slowly and whenever a car overtook us he would say "Mind you don't get a speeding ticket love" she would laugh at his joke and answer with "Better safe than sorry."

"Tom, this is Lily. _Lily Evans." _She says and I furrow my eyebrows, something tells me that by the way she said Lily Evans I'm missing something.

"Oh so you're the brilliant Lily E-"He exclaims but stops himself when Mrs Pot- Linda elbows him hard in the ribs.

"yeh" I say then realise how incredibly rude they must think I'm being making them stand out on our porch in the blazing sun "I would invite you both in for a coffee but we don't exactly have any… my dad's gone out to the shop, he should be back any minute" I plead for my dad to come up the stairs and relieve me from this extremely awkward and depressingly boring conversation.

"Oh no that's okay love, we actually just wanted to invite you all round for tea tonight. Just so we can get to know you" Mrs Potter says cheerfully and although I wasn't sure on our plans for this evening (they probably included something like my dad burning dinner and calling for takeout, then the family watching a silly reality TV show about celebrities I have never seen before –Petunia knows them all of course and says maybe if I took my head out of those ruddy books and actually paid attention to the real world I'd know who they were, it never seemed to occur to her that maybe I didn't know who these people were because I was away at Hogwarts for 10/12 months a year.)

"Um, I'm not sure of our plans but I think we'll be okay for it" I say, not entirely sure how I'll get through an evening with their idiotic, arrogant son but she seemed so excited and I just couldn't turn her down.

"Well we best be going" Her husband says and steers her down the stairs "It was nice meeting you" he calls as they walk back towards their house.

"You to" I call and sink back into the hammock

Only moments after a large owl swoops down and lands on my knee

"Livanna?" I ask her and unloop the parchment from around her neck, she gives my finger a small peck and then looks expectantly at me, I have known Livanna for long enough to know that look means, Lily-i-have-been-flying-for-ages-and-am-extremly-tired-now-feed-me, there's food in the kitchen I explain and she soars into the house

_Dear Lily_

_I hope-_

"AAAAAAHHHHH" Petunia bursts out of the house "Lily!" she says, her face has turned a bright red colour and if she strains them any more I think her eyes might pop out of her head.

"Yes Petunia dear, and might I say you're looking lovely today" I look at her new attire, she has a tight white strapless top on, which is tucked into a pink lacy skirt that falls just below her knobbly knees. Half her hair is tight curls and the other half lies dead on her shoulder like a ferret.

"Shut it freak" she spits "Can you please tell me why in god's name I was nearly run over in my own home by a GOD DAMNED OWL!"

"Livanna" I mutter

"Where's dad?" she demands looking around as if our dad is just going to jump out of the pansy bush covered in dirt and flowers.

"He's gone shopping" I explain

"Well when is he going to be back?" she asks as if it was implied in the first question

I shrug which seems only to infuriate her more "Ugh I HATE THIS STUPID FAMILY AND I HATE YOU MORE" she yells and storms off into the house

"Technically that makes no sense because I'm part of the family and so are you, meaning you hate yourself" I shout back then hear something that I make out to be "stupid freak" followed by her stomping up the stairs and the slamming of her bedroom door.

I attempt to read the letter again and open it up

_Dear Lily_

_I hope the holiday is going well and that you're not too depressed. Try not to go to Lily on everyone because who knows, maybe you'll meet a hot Mexican boy and fall in love. _

_Also my mum says that I might be able to come and stay during the last week, if it's not too much trouble for your dad, fingers crossed. It's been torcher not seeing you every day, you are so lucky you only have sister to deal with Molly and Kiera are driving me to the brink of madness, I need a teenage girl chat before I lose my mind! _

_OH AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT! MY MUM TRIED TO HAVE 'THE TALK' WITH ME! YEH, I KNOW. I NEARLY DIED OF HUMILIATON. Apparently she's been wanting to talk to me about boys and their 'urges' ever since she saw Sirius and me goodbye snogging on platform 9 ¾. But can you blame him? I wasn't going to be seeing him for a whole summer (give or take a few weeks.)_

_Dying of embarrassment: Maysie_

I laugh to myself as I recall the memory of my dad trying to have 'the talk' with me only a few months ago. It didn't go quite how he expected it to go, in actual fact I think he was more nervous about it than I was. He kept going on about how boy's minds work and how they feel towards women as teenagers. What dad didn't know was that I wasn't and hadn't been involved in a relationship since 5th year, when me and Marcus Lim were oh so madly in love.

I levitate my parchment and quill down to me –man do I love being a witch- and begin to write back to Maysie

_Dear Maysie_

_Oh the horror of it, how on earth did you survive? I remember when my dad tried to have 'the talk' with me, don't worry the nightmares will eventually go away. _

_Also I would trade Petunia any day for Molly and Kiera! Seriously, like do you want to trade or something because that can be arranged? _

_And I would _love _for you to come and stay, my dad loves you especially when you explain quiditch to him, he says it's like having a son (not meant in an offensive term) so I'm pretty sure with the right amount of begging you'll be able to escape for a week._

_AND HOLY SHIT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHICH DUMB PRAT IS STAYING IN THE BEACH HUT NEXT DOOR TO ME!_

_James Potter, that's the dumb prat! I know I know. So I defiantly need saving!_

_Lily_

_P.s: if only I would meet a hot Mexican boy, but the only people I've seen so far haven't been over the age of 6 (unless you count James of course, WHICH WE DON'T!) true I haven't ventured further than our porch but still._

I watch Livanna as she soars off across the sea, my letter tied carefully around her neck.

5485.13, that's how many miles London is from Mexico. That's how far away my home is, that's how far away my mum is.

_a/n: Firstly I'd like to apologise in case this is really bad, it's my first attempt at a fanfiction. The other chapters will be longer than this; it was just a gentle introduction to Lily and her family and what they're going through._

_Emily_

_P.s: if you have any questions, do not be shy to ask. I'm all ears_


	2. Chapter 2 Dinner with Potter

Today was a pretty lazy day, again I read almost all through the day in the hammock, now and again getting up for things like food and the bathroom. Once or twice James came in and out of his house, he gave me a forced smile each time, all of which times I ignored him. It was one thing to have to put up with him at school, but on my holidays? It's ridiculous.

At one point he actually came over to our house!

Yeh.

He just sauntered right on up here like he owns the place, instead of taking a step back and letting him and his ego have it's way, I leaped from the hammock casting an arm out to block his way, and I stood my ground. In order for him to understand he couldn't just do that, that I hated him and just because I didn't have my wand at the ready, he couldn't just act like nothing had happened, act as if we were friends. I wasn't nice or obliging. I felt pretty ridiculous looking back at it, I mean I practically body blocked him. He stared at me with equal parts of astonishment and disbeleif. I stopped staring him down just long enough for him to barge past me and enter my house.

I stalked after him crossing my arms protectively over my chest. Who the hell did he think he was? I mean I knew he thought he was James Potter, which explains a lot because James Potter is just the man of all men and in his eyes we should all be bowing down to him chanting 'Hail James.' His actions were iritating more than anything, and just plain rude.

If he'd have, you know, walked politely up here and said something along the limes of 'Oh Lily dear, I know I'm a huge prick and you proabably want me as far away from you as possible, but could I please enter you lovely home for five minutes to confer with your father?' Well I still would have objected and sent him toddling sulkily back to his house, but I would have my dignity, becasue as I stood here huffing and puffing, trying to show him my annoyance and irritation, he seemed wholly unaffented by it.

By the end of the day I wasn't really looking forward to tea at James's house, to be honest I really just wanted to go to bed. But after them seeing me and looking perfectly fine all day I could hardly persuade dad to give the 'Lily's feeling sick and has had an early night' excuse. So I figured I'll just have to suck it up and go.

I decide to go for a pair of denim shorts (again) and a lacy white top. I leave my hair down (although I do charm it so it stays straight instead of flailing around all over the place like it normally does.) I think what I wore was appropriate and nearly had a fit of laughter when I saw what Petunia was wearing.

She had applied a thick layer of makeup and quite frankly looked like a clown. She was wearing a little black miniskirt with a fury pink top. Her shoes were these little zebra print things with about 10 straps and a wedge the size of my fist. She had sprayed so much hairspray on her that it was almost as stiff as her face. Wait it gets better.

So there she was looking her ridiculous self when she scoffed and said "Is that really what you're wearing, am I the only one with any fashion sense in this house?" and skipped off down the stairs.

Honestly sometimes I think that pret, that head of hers is filled with nothing but air

"I was thinking the exact same thing" I mutter to myself as she disappears from view.

"Lily are you coming?" My dad bellows from downstairs

"Yeh, I'm on my way" I shout after recovering from seeing the state of Petunia. I rush down the stairs and follow Petunias clicking heels out the door.

"This'll be fun" my dad says as he rings the doorbell. I highly doubt 'fun' is the word to describe this night. I can think of many other words dreary, torturous, unbearable, dismal, tiresome, awkward (defiantly awkward.)

"Oooh come in, come in" Mrs Potter squeals as she opens the door.

Their house is pretty similar to ours, except… backwards. Instead of the staircase being on the right it spirals up the left and the shell painting is identical to ours, except theirs is on the wrong side of the wall.

"Something smells nice" my dad says and gives the air a good sniff before removing his jacket. Although I don't really see the point in him wearing it as the air outside is warm and we come from one door away.

"Where's James?" my sister asks expectantly but her question is soon answered as James emerges from the living room and gives a subtle wave.

"I thought you were out on a date yesterday?" I hiss at Petunia as she makes googly eyes at James

"A girl has to keep her options open Lily, why jealous?" She hisses back not taking her eyes from James

She is really, truly Pathetic.

Note to self: When we get home book Petunia a psychiatrist.

"Hi" James greets us, he runs his fingers through his hair and I can't help but cringe. I hate it when he does that.

"Shall we go into the living room?" Mrs Potter offers and gestures towards the living room.

I traipse in after them into the living room and sit next to my dad on one of their brown leather sofa's.

"It must be so weird for you two seeing each other outside of school" My dad says to me and James

"Yes it is" I reply

"Lily's brilliant, quiet. But top of the class in everything" James exclaims as he shoves a handful of crisps into his mouth like it's just a general expression he uses every day. Was that a compliment, from James Potter? I am truly amazed, the lengths a boy will go to to impress.

"Really well that's lovely to hear" My dad says happily, I give a weak smile to avoid my utter shock

"She must be" James dad shouts from the kitchen where I assume he's making dinner, although James parents are both purebloods so I don't exactly know why "We here about her often enough, James is always going on about her"

Did I say I was shocked before, well I take that all back now I'm shocked, not just that James talks about me 'all the time' but at the fact the things he says are nice. I was half expecting his family to kick me out when they found out I was Lil Evans.

James freezes and his face goes redder than the tomatoes in the bowl on his mum's coffee table and mine if it's possible could be redder. James's dad appears from the kitchen and regret suddenly spreads across his face as he realises he wasn't supposed to say that.

Mr Potter coughs loudly then I suspect searches his brain for a subject to change the topic to. We sit awkwardly for a few moments, but my dad doesn't seem to notice the shift in emotion and continues to talk "Is that so? Well James I would love to talk to someone about that sport, what is it itchq? The one where everyone fly's around on sticks? Lily's pretty hopeless at explaining it" Well that's because I have better things to do than watch good looking boys fly around mindlessly whilst trying to throw a ball through a hoop.

James still looks uncomfortable and annoyed at his dad for spilling the secret that she talks about me allot, while Mr Potter silently chuckles to himself at my dad's stupid question "That's quiditch" he explains

"Amazing" my dad roars

"Yeh, you think so? Well James is quite the player" clearly he's trying to gain back some points with his son "maybe we could take you out sometime"

My dad's face lights up "Certainly, that would be incredible, only if it's not too much" I'm sure if my dad were any happier he would be leaping for joy. He always loved magic and the idea that there was a whole other world which people could do the most extraordinary of things.

A loud piercing sound fills the house and Mrs Potter quickly pulls out her wand and with a wave of it the sound has gone. Petunia nearly dives off the sofa in fright when she sees Mrs Potter has a wand.

"I can't seem to get used to the muggle contraptions" she explains shaking her head and putting her wand back in her pocket "no offence" she quickly amended

"None taken" My dad reassures her "So, tell me more about this quiditch thing then. Ugh not again, I thought we had gotten off this topic. James and Mr Potter launch into a full explanation of the game and after about 5 minutes of listening (and not understanding) I decide to help James's mum in the kitchen.

"Thought you'd escape the quiditch talk?" she asks me

"You read my mind"

"I don't blame you, I don't understand a word of it either" She explains putting a batch of garlic bread in the oven and flicking her wand so it's on the right temperature. It's kind of strange being in a muggle house and seeing people besides yourself doing magic. It made me wonder why James's family would even come to a muggle holiday home in the first place.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask her. She looked so at home in the kitchen and I was a bit wary about messing things up, cooking isn't exactly I've had something I've practiced with being away at a magic school where the house elves make a 3 course meal every day.

"Oh no dear you're the guest" she says and gestures for me to sit down at the kitchen table.

I do so quite reluctantly and while she frets that the pasta won't be done at the same time as the sauce I play with the salt shaker. James walks in after a few minutes, hands in pockets and sits across from me.

A wide grin spreads across his face as he slumps back into his seat "Hi Lily" he says smugly

"Hi James" I say stiffly and put the salt shaker down

"Are you stalking me by any chance?" he asks the smile growing wider

How long have you been waiting to use that one Potter? Must have taken you a whole day to come up with.

"Now, you see I was thinking the exact same thing. Because as a matter of fact I have been coming here since I was eleven"" I say

He nods his head in agreement then gets up and begins to help his mum lay the food on the table. I have to bite my tongue hard to keep from saying "who are you and what have you done with James Potter?" The James I knew, or thought I knew- would have never been this helpful.

Surely something was wrong. Hopefully something was wrong. Hopefully I'd wake up frantically sweating with Maysie hovering over my head saying "Merlin Lily what's wrong with you" and my mum will still be alive and James Potter will still be the conceded bastard he always has been.

"Lily do you want to go and tell the others dinners ready?" Mrs Potter asks snapping me out of my thoughts and back into the cold harsh reality.

"Sure" I say and shoving my feet back in my flip-flops then exiting the kitchen. The first thing I notice when I arrive in their lounge is the many pictures of them together spread across the windowsills, there are tons of them. Lots of James in his school uniform, presumably just before he leaves. Many of Mr and Mrs Potter on holidays. I wonder why I didn't notice them before. "Uh… dinners ready" I say and they all immediately stop what they're doing and escape to the kitchen.

"So James" My dad says "I've heard all about Lily's opinion of Hogwarts, but I'd love to hear what you think"

'Well most of the time I strut around the castle in my quiditch uniform because I'm so brilliant and all the girl swoon over me when I do. I can't exactly tell you about the classes because I don't actually attend them because I'm off gallivanting with my friends or coming up with stupid hair brain schemes designed to torture other students. That is if I'm not off snogging girls. But then when I do decide to turn up to lesson I frustrate your daughter by coming almost top in the class without needing to study even though Lily has to work exceptionally hard to even be taken seriously because she's born from muggle parents.

"Uh… well you know I have to work hard and the classes are boring –but I suppose it's like that in muggle schools as well. Uh… I like to spend a fair bit of time on the quiditch pitch as well" he explains and throws a quick glance in my direction as if to say don't-you-dare-even-think-of-telling-them-what-I'm-really-like-or-you'll-never-have-a-good-day-at-Hogwarts-again. But it was wasted because even if I wanted to I don't think I would be able to speak, I was so shocked by the brilliant and totally believable lie James had just conjured up.

"Oh really? What's your favourite lesson?"

"Defence against the dark arts" James says as if it's a reflex"

"Really? Lily doesn't like that one very much"

James smiles at me. Oh I wish I could pull out my wand and wipe it right off his face. "Yeh? That's probably because it's the only lesson I got higher marks than her in"

"Oooohhh a bit of competition going on here then?" My Potter chuckles

"I guess you could call it that" I say throwing James one of my famous glares.

I was a little surprised that James's family wasn't more interested in muggles as much as my dad was of magic but who can really blame them, muggles are boring as hell. I should know I almost was one. Actually the closest thing muggles really have to magic is love, and magical people have that to. Also it would have been a very depressing conversation if the Potters had started asking my dad about his dead wife.

"So have you any stories about Lily and what she's really like at Hogwarts?" My dad asks James and I felt the dread pour into me like a hot cup of tea on a freezing cold day.

Shit. Really dad? Of all the people that go to our school you ask James Potter if he has any stories of me. Why not just hold a sign over my head that says 'ruin this girl's life.'

And I swear my foot slipped. Twice. Okay so maybe the second time was on purpose. It didn't seem to faze James in the slightest though. Actually I think he thought I was trying to play footsie with him as he responded by grazing my leg with his foot. He only stopped when he kicked Petunia instead who let out a loud yelp and eyed up both carefully.

Ah there's the James Potter I know and do not love.

"Well I do have a few stories stocked up" his face gleaming with excitement like a 4 year old whose just been given an ice-cream

Crap. bastard.

Why can't the ground just open up and swallow me whole.

I want to die. Just let me die already. I want to curl up into a ball right here in James Potter's beach hut and never wake up. That bastard.

Yes, yes, yes everyone laugh at me, oh haha Lily's humiliation is so funny.

James started off by telling my dad about my first flying lesson; I was the last one with my broom up. It wasn't even my fault it just wouldn't co-operate with me. Then he went on by saying how bad of a flyer I actually was, I don't exactly have the best hand eye co-ordination skills when my feet are planted firmly on the ground but add a broom and it just spells disaster, you'd think these Professors would be able to tell when a girl wasn't ready to be flying but oh no, "She was almost on the floor begging Hagrid not to make her fly, anyway he was almost giving in when some slitherins said it was favouritism and he had to make her fly. Of course he couldn't show favouritism, it was his first year teaching and all and he didn't want a reputation as one of the easy going teachers who lessons are a doss. So her feet were off the ground and she was ready to fly like the rest of us when she just took off. Without any warning or anything she started to fly and really fast. Although she couldn't exactly steer the broom properly and ended up landing on one of the greenhouses. The whole class had to look for her and when Sirius finally found her, she refused to come down. Eventually Hagrid showed up with Professor Lim –quiditch coach- and he had to fly up and carry her down. I nearly died of laughter it was the funniest thing." He went on

I seemed to be the only one who didn't find this story funny. But just wait that's not the end, just to make sure I was completely and utterly humiliated he decided another story was necessary.

"Okay so there was this one time, it was absolutely chucking it down and the whole Herbology class was told class was cancelled because we couldn't take out the skrewts with the weather as bad as it was. Lily however was doing something and didn't get the message so she went to Herbology, it took her like 20 minutes to realise class had been cancelled and by then the rain was torrential but of course she wasn't thinking straight for whatever reason and decided to run back across the field. Anyways she was halfway back to the castle when she slipped. Yeh, she slipped, got covered in mud it was hysterical. But it gets better it was right before we were supposed to be having the Halloween feast and so she was already late and had to sit through the feast covered in mud"

Again everyone erupted in laughter.

"Well… what about when James…" Then it hit me, I didn't know any embarrassing stories about James because he was calm and collected and organised and nothing ever went wrong for him in James Potter world. Fan-bloody-tastic.

"How come you never told me about any of this Lil?" My dad asked after recovering from laughing. Although I was still furious at James for sharing my embarrassment I was happy as well. I mean the stories were funny and I'd never seen my dad laugh so hard since my mum died, so in a way I was… thankful?

"I don't know, I just never thought it was necessary" I said lamely, but everyone was still laughing and didn't notice.

* * *

"Well it's getting late, we better be off" My dad finally said, I think even he was getting bored of listening to himself talk. "Thank you, it was wonderful, you'll have to come to us next time" Next time? He took threw on his jacket –which was hanging on the banister- and opened to door to leave.

"It was our pleasure and that would be lovely" Mrs Potter said as we headed out the door

"Bye" Mr Potter called as we headed down the stairs, I didn't see James at the door as we left. He was probably de-muggleifying the place.

"Wasn't that nice" My dad said once we in the safety of our own house

"Mm" I say and slump into the sofa

"Your mum would have liked Linda… and Tom, I think she might have liked James a little too much" he said, way to kill the mood dad, although I'm pretty sure it was already dead.

"Dad-"I try

"I'm off to bed, like I said it's getting late" he says and pushes himself up from the sofa leaving me and Petunia alone. "I'll see you two tomorrow" he says and disappears

"That was torture" Petunia hisses

"I thought you were happy drooling over James?" I mocked

"I was, until I found out he was a freak like you. Besides I don't need him and his freakish magic, I have ve- the boy I went on a date with yesterday" she says certainly

"Does ve- the boy you went on a date with yesterday know you were slobbering over James?" I asked, I don't know what my fascination was with spit but it just seemed to keep fitting

"No. And he doesn't need to" She said throwing me a look

I decided this was the time to escape from the argument that was about to begin and quite frankly I was extremely tired and my comebacks aren't exactly the best when I'm tired. So I was not going to give her the satisfaction of having the last word.

I collapse into my bed just as an unfamiliar owl lands on my windowsill, I shove myself on my bed and walk over to my window. I untie the parchment and read it out loud.

_Dear Lily_

_Have fun?_

_J._

James. Idiot.

Don't reply.

Do not reply.

He's just trying to get a rise out of you.

Do not reply to the prick.

_Dear James_

_It was spectacular, you?_

_L._

I'm an idiot; I sent the note with his owl and waited anxiously cross legged on the floor by my window fiddling with my quill.

_Dear Lily_

_It was brilliant. Do you want to know something fascinating?_

_J._

No I do not want to know something fascinating.

_Dear James_

_I don't know do I?_

_L._

I sent it off again.

_Dear Lily_

_Oh I think you do_

_J._

_Dear James_

_Enlighten me then_

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_There is only two walls separating us_

_J._

_Dear James_

_Two walls is a long way away_

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_You think? _

_J._

_Dear James_

_Oh I know _

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_You see I'm not so sure it is that far away, because if I knock on the wall I'm pretty sure you'd be able to hear it and if we're within hearing distance, we can't be that far away._

_J._

_Dear James_

_But you see I'm not sure I would be able to hear it_

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_Do you want to bet on it, 10 sickles says if I knock on the wall you'll be able to hear it_

_J._

_Dear James_

_You're on_

_L._

Shortly after a knocking sound came through the wall that nearly made me jump out of my skin.

_Dear Lily_

_So?_

_J._

_Dear James_

_I didn't hear a thing_

_L._

It's not that I didn't want to give him the money or anything, It's just I didn't want to think about him being so close to me. It's was very uncomforting.

_Dear Lily_

_Oh I know you did._

_J._

_Dear James_

_Not a thing_

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_Okay think of it a different way, if those two walls weren't there I'd be able to see everything you do. I'd see you changing, I'd see you nak-_

I stopped reading. I don't even want to think about James seeing or even thinking of me like that.

_Dear James_

_You disgust me_

_L._

_Dear Lily_

_Good_

_J._

"Lily!" My sister comes bursting into my room "Lily what are you doing I keep hearing chirps come from your room and I need it to stop I can't sleep" She stands arms folded across her chest her pink nightgown stretching just past her knees.

"I was just- I'm going to bed now" I assured her and after glaring at me she left slamming the door behind her.

She really is a delight

_Dear Lily_

_Goodnight, sleep well_

_J._

I shuddered and climbed into bed. Great now I can't sleep. Stupid James and his annoying mind games. Git.

I tried many things to help me sleep. I counted sheep (actually I counted 14 sheep). I read (for an hour) but that only made me want to read more which would have kept me awake so I went downstairs for a glass of water.

I was on my way back upstairs when I heard a loud cry. I rushed over to the window and looked out, I couldn't see anyone or anything and assured myself I'd just imagined it but as soon as I turned my back I heard the same cry again. I grabbed my wand from my room and shyly opened the door.

I walked onto the porch and scanned the beach for any sign of anything that could have made the noise. My gaze stopped halfway across the beach when I saw a girl sat on the floor looking out at the sea. She looked about my age and I ran cautiously over to her quickly hiding my wand from view, after all I had no idea who she was.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, when she looked up I recognised it was the bikini girl from yesterday. Jessica was it? When she didn't respond I tried again "Are you okay?" she still didn't respond, just stayed sat on the beach filtering sand through her fingers. I bent down to try and talk to her and was hit with the strong smell of firewhisky. Okay so I didn't need to hide my wand. "Where are your parents?" I asked her knowing if I went and got my dad he'd call the police and she'd be in a lot of trouble. She still didn't answer, really? She wasn't making this easy. "Do you want me to go and get James?" I asked her and she squirmed as I said James's name. "Stay here" I told her and rushed up to James's house.

I was nervous about leaving her by herself but she was so drunk I'm not sure she could go anywhere. I rang their bell and then realised. It's about 2 in the morning, what if Mrs Potter comes to the door and calls the police. Or what if James comes to the door and refuses to help her. Then what? I wouldn't know what to do with a drunken teenage girl.

I hear the shuffling of feet and contemplate whether or not to just run away, I mean they'd see her when they opened the door so it wouldn't be like I was abandoning her or anything. The hall light flicked on. Run Lily run.

The door swung open and there stood a very tired looking James. "Lily?" he groaned

"James, you know that girl Jessica? Well she's collapsed on the beach, I think she's drunk" I sighed

"What?" he suddenly perked up "Oh okay thanks Lily. Hold on, I'm coming" He said grabbing his keys and shoving on his Jacket.

He ran over to her, me at his heels and bent down. "Shit" he cursed "Jess?" he asked her propping her up by her back.

"James?" she said and I had to cover my nose as the smell was so strong

"Shit Jess. What did you do?" his voice was anger ridden but his face stayed very calm

"I'm sorry" she whispered

"It doesn't matter if you're sorry, what the bloody fuck were you thinking?" he asked

"James I don't think this is the time to be lecturing her" I offered, he was wasting his breath anyways, she was so out of it I don't think she was completely sure who was in front of her.

"Lily" he said as if realising that yes I was still here

"James" I mocked

"Lily I need you to do me a favour" he pleaded, what was this James Potter needed a favour, where's the camera when you need it? This is front age stuff, now if only I could get him to beg

"What?" I asked him not bothering to hide the disgust in my voice

"I need you to go back to bed and forget this"

"What!" I shouted jumping to my feet

"Lily please-"

"No"

"Lily-"

"What are you going to do with her?" I demanded

"I'm going to drive her back to her brother's house" he spat

"Well I want to come with you" there was no point in me going back anyways, if I couldn't sleep before there's no way I was going to sleep now

"Lily I-"

"No James I'm coming" I stood firmly but it wouldn't have made a difference because he was looking towards the sea

"No, that's not a good idea. Just go home" he gestured towards my house

"No, you need me" I said

"Lily I don't-"

"But you do" When I saw he wasn't going to interrupt I went on "How exactly do you plan on getting her to the car? This is Mexico James, you can't just levitate her. Also, what do you do if she starts to puke in the car? Are you going to hold her hair back and drive? I'm sure that'll go down with the police 'Sorry officers I was escorting this drunken girl home and wasn't paying attention to the road. Of course you won't know what she's drunk on it's this beer from the magic world, you see I'm a wizard and so is she.' The only thing that will get you is a night in jail and possibly a trip to physiatrist ward." I was right to and he knew it

"Fine" he sighed and hauled Jessica on to his shoulders, how the hell can he lift- oh right quiditch.

"Get in the back" he said and unlocked the car, I pushed forward the seat and climbed into the back of his car

"Are you sure you can drive?" I asked, after all he was a wizard with magical parents

He raised as eyebrow as if to say did-you-really-just-ask-me-that-get-in-the-car "Yes, I can drive" he sounded frustrated as he plopped Jessica down on the seat in front of me

"Just checking" I muttered

We drove in silence the whole way apart from one part where James had to stop the car and Jessica was sick on the side of the road. It then dawned on me I was in my pyjamas. Just pyjamas. It wasn't that I was cold or anything, it's just when you're on holiday in a hot country you don't exactly wear thick pyjamas. In fact I was in little shorts and an oversized t-shirt and I did not like the way James Potter was looking at me.

"What?" I said and squirmed uncomfortably but rushed forward just in time to catch Jessica's hair as she puked some more

"Nothing" James said taking her hair from my hand and holding it himself. I remember reading this thing once that said men like to be on top. NO NOT LIKE THAT. I mean they like to feel superior to women. I think that's why James didn't want me to come. He wanted to be the hero or something. That's why he wouldn't let me drive and that's why he wouldn't let me hold Jessica's hair back for her.

We climbed back into the car and drove for another half an hour. When I looked at the clock on the dashboard it read 4:33, we'd been driving for 45 minutes. I didn't know how far away we were from her brother's house or how long we were going to end up staying.

At that moment I suddenly felt like I shouldn't have come. I was out of place here. I was Lily Evans for crying out loud. I didn't do things like this, this wasn't me. I was the girl who would spend her entire Sundays locked in her room reading charms books. I didn't rescue drunken girls at 4:34 with hot quiditch players whom I hate (so maybe I don't hate him but I strongly dislike him)

"James I want to get out" I said

"What?" he asked

"I want to get out" I repeated calmly

"Lily are you okay?" he asked

"Stop the car James!" I demanded

He looked in the rear view mirror and my facial expression must have made him realise I was serious.

He pulled over and I pushed Jessica's chair forwards causing her to slam into the dashboard. I didn't care though.

"Lily where are you going?" he asked as I took off down the road "Lily" he called when I didn't answer

"I'm going back James, you were right. I shouldn't have come" I hated to admit he was right

"Lily we're miles away and you don't know your way back. You'll get lost or something"

"I don't care" I said.

"Well I do care" he said and pulled my arm so I was walking in line with him "Lily c'mon, let's get back in the car" he said hopefully staring down at me.

I nodded my head and let him lead me back to the car. I actually felt sorry for the poor boy. Not only did he have one drunken girl to take care of but now he had another –delusional girl- to take care of plus I insisted on coming with him as well.

Almost as soon as my but hit the seat I fell asleep.

* * *

"Lily" James asks me from the driver's seat

The first thing I notice is where we are, we're outside a hotel called 'Playa del Maria.' It's almost light outside and there are few people around, mostly runners who are getting in a jog before breakfast, but there are a few tired looking parents pushing buggies.

"What time is it" I ask him as his body is blocking the clock

"About 6" he says without even looking

"We need to go back" I say and he shifts back into position

"Are you coming in the front then?" he asks me and I climb through the car to sit in the passenger's seat

"Did she you know… is she okay?" I ask him as we pull away from the hotel

"Yeh she's fine, just a bit sick" he explains "but then again what do you expect"

"How do you know her?" I ask trying to sound breezy, but c'mon we've only been here a few days and he was treating her like they've been best friends for years

"Uh… well I knew her when she was a little kid; we grew up on the same street and stuff. She was going to come to Hogwarts to actually but her dad didn't want her to go, he sent her to Baubaxtons instead, so we only really saw each other during the holidays, she wrote of course but then I don't know she just stopped. Then I came back during summer and she'd completely gone mad" as he said it I heard the hurt in his voice, like he'd lost his best friend

"So what happened?"

He sighed but then continued "Her parents split up, it was really messy to. I don't know what happened but she just left, went to live with her brother. She comes back to visit her dad every now and then but most of the time she just stays away"

"Oh" I'm not really sure how to respond

"Then I met her here. She's worse than she was before. When I took her back her brother went furious I thought he was going to kill me"

"Why would he kill you, shouldn't he be thanking you for bringing her home. Otherwise she'd still be lying stoned on the beach"

"Yeh well he didn't know that did he" he sounds discouraged but I don't comment

After driving for about half an hour James finally says something to me "Thanks Lily" he says

"For what?"

"For making me bring you, you helped a lot"

"What when I was asleep or storming off?" I blurted out before I could stop myself but James didn't seem to mind and laughed

"Neither actually, I don't know I needed someone to help me" he shrugged then clenched his fingers tighter around the steering wheel.

* * *

The clock on the dashboard reads 7:22. Damn.

"Are we nearly back yet James?" I ask him nervously, dad's always awake, showered and dressed by the time I get up.

"Yeh about 10 minutes" he sounds just as anxious as me although he is trying to act cool and collected.

"Right" I say

"It's okay, your dad won't be up for at least an hour" he said as if reading my mind

"How do you know that?"

"Every morning I go for a run at 7:30 I'm normally back by about 8:20 and your dad is just waking up" he says

"How do you know my dad's just waking up?"

"Because he comes out of your house to collect the paper which arrives at 8:00, so if he were awake any earlier he'd go and get the paper" he says

"Oh, then what does he do?" I don't know exactly why I cared but I just did

"He normally puts the paper on the hammock, goes and gets a coffee, comes back and reads the paper for 20 minutes or so"

"Right." I can just picture my dad, hair all askew sitting lazily on our hammock yawning with a cup of coffee in one hand and the paper he couldn't read in the other.

I sat goodbye to James and sneak in through the back door. I leave my flip flops by the door and tiptoe carefully up the stairs to avoid waking anyone up.

Okay, let's get one thing straight this does not make me and James friends, at all. I was helping Jessica, not James.

* * *

"Rise and shine Lily" My dad says after what felt like few minutes of me collapsing back into bed.

I make a groaning noise to show my disapproval when he pulls the curtains open letting a blinding light fill the room. It reflects off the mirror and into my eyes as I sit up.

"What time is it?" I ask stretching my arms out in front of me

"Half eleven" my dad answers

"Then why do I need to get up?" I moan, seriously the only morning when I've had next to no sleep the night before is the one when he chooses to wake me up.

"Because, I was talking to Linda and she says she needs to go to the store and she can hardly fly on her broom to the store" he explains

"What does that have to do with me getting up?" I ask him stupidly

"Because you need to drive her, plus she's never been to the grocery store before and will need lots of help 'fitting in' if you know what I mean" he says

"Why can't her husband drive her? Or James? Or Petunia? Or _you_?" Really there is a long line of awake people who are eligible to drive her. Or better yet she could walk.

"Me and Tom are going water skiing and your sisters on a date" he explains. Psh, my dad water skiing? That spell r.

But that still leaves one person "What about James?"

"James is… is… I'm not quite sure where James is. But anyways James is magical and wouldn't be much help at trying to make Linda look like a normal person would he?"

"Muggle" I correct

"Yes muggle" he adds "Now get a move on I said you'd be out by 12" and with that he flees my room. I fall back down into lying position but force myself out of bed and into the bathroom.

* * *

_a/n: See I told you this chapter would be longer_

_Just so you know I'm not planning on having Lily and James snogging any time soon. This chapter was pretty heavy going; the others will probably be shorter and less intense. _

_Please leave your thoughts; I'd love to hear them_

_Emily_


	3. Chapter 3: Grocery store

_a/n: so today I was thinking and I realised something… the name of this story actually physically sucks. I'm not going to sugar coat it or anything, I mean it's dreadful. I have no idea why I picked it. To be honest the summary isn't much better either._

"This is quite exciting, I've never been to a muggle store before" Mrs Potter says as we pull up to the grocery store

Honestly I don't think I've ever seen someone so excited to do their food shopping, it was cute in a way

"Well I need to go in somewhere that has air-conditioning" I say and fan my face with my hand. After all we are in Mexico and it'd stinking hot

"Yes, me to" she says looking up at the building although I'm not sure she was actually listening as she's not sweating in the slightest

We walk into the store and the look on Mrs Potter's face is priceless as she sees the rows and rows of food.

"So you just come here and take stuff" she asks

"Not exactly, we have to pay first" I say a little worried. I've only got about 20 pesos on me (which could probably buy us about 7 packs of biscuits.)

"Oh yes of course" she starts fiddling around in her bag and I half expect her to pull out galleons but no she pulls out a leather purse and opens it up "Is this right?" she asks opening it up

"Yeh, that's fine" I assure her and grab a trolley following her off towards the bananas

It's quite funny to watch her really, she squeals at almost everything and we've only been down about 4 isles and the trolleys nearly full "Hold on let me get another trolley" I say as she reaches out for about 6 loaves of wholemeal bread

"Lily" someone says and I turn on my heels

"Daniel?" I ask. I met Daniel a few years ago down by the beach, he's sure changed a lot since we went crab fishing though. He's a hell of a lot taller than me now, his spotty face is crystal clear and he must have been working out because no-one gets that muscly lying around on the beach

"Lily I haven't seen you in-"

"Years" I finish for him

"How are you?" he says and gives me a hug

"I'm great, how are you?"

"Great, how long are you staying because I'd love to catch up" he says

"I've still got a few weeks left and no yeh that would be brilliant. I'd love to catch up" I really would love to catch up as well, Daniel and I were practically best friends that summer. We met over ice-cream actually. Petunia was being… Petunia and told me that I wasn't allowed to hang out with her and her friends because they had a strict no freak policy. When I told mum she said Petunia just wanted a little time to herself and I should try and make friends my own age.

I got all annoyed and went on a walk down the beach. There was a pink ice-cream truck making the most annoying noise, but still the ice-cream looked very desirable, I thought about walking back to get some money but it was too far.

"Do you want one?" a boy asked me. I hadn't realised I'd been practically drooling until he said it

"Uh no I'm fine" I said and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand

"Are you sure?" he asked in a disbelieving tone

"I'm sure" I said

"C'mon" he said and gestured for me to come with him

He bought me a 99 special. Vanilla ice-cream drizzled with raspberry sauce, a flake sticking out of the corner and in a waffle cone. We got to talking and he was staying in a beach hut not far from mine and the only reason he walked all the way down the beach was because the ice-cream was better. So thank you shitty ice-cream.

"Dan" another boy comes running out from the isle Daniel was just in

"Harry, I'm over here" Daniel says and the other boy (which I'm assuming is harry) comes over and stands next to Daniel

"Who's this?" he says looking at me in a way I'm not sure I like

"This is Lily. You remember Lily don't you?" Daniel says smiling at me

"Oh Lily, yeh you and Dan were really close weren't you" he says suddenly realising, then seeing the confusion on my face introduces or reintroduces himself "I'm Harry. Dan's older brother" he puts emphasis on the older, psh. Men.

Daniel rolls his eyes, ah I knew I liked that boy "Listen Lily" I'm having a beach party tomorrow night, do you want to come?" Daniel asks

"Sure" I say a little too soon

"Great, it's along Rosa drive, you can't miss it" he assures me before dragging his brother off

I quickly grab a trolley and rush off to where I left Mrs Potter. When I get there she's examining two pieces of pitta bread "Which of these is better?" she asks me and holds them both up

"I don't know, just get which looks nicer"

The rest of the shopping trip drags and that's because we end up spending 4 HOURS in there. I don't like shopping at the best of times, even when it's for me. But when it's in a boiling hot country with my temporary next door neighbour who also happens to be the mum of the boy at school whom I dislike very much it's even worse.

"Can we sit down" I ask her hoping she'll say yes because quite frankly if I take another step I think my legs are going to fall off.

Thankfully she does say yes and we stop in a little café. I order a bottle of water and (being the lunatic that she is) Mrs Potter orders a cup of tea.

We sit for a while and I listen to her ramble on about how wonderful tea is, especially when you don't have to make it yourself.

When it's clear I'm going to be able to walk again we leave the café, thanking the owner for our drinks. Mrs Potter glances at her watch and when she realises how long we've been out says "Oh Lily, I'm so sorry for making you stay out for so long"

"It's okay" I say and climb back into the car, it takes a while to drive back as all the food is weighing the car down "How come you came here this summer" I say to break the awkward silence that's been hanging over us for too long

"Well Tom got a bonus and it was recommended to us by a friend so we decided just go for it" she says surely

"Oh"

"What about you, why did you come?" she asks

"Uh, well we've come ever since I was little, it was sort of like a family bonding trip before I went back to Hogwarts" I explain leaving out the part about how we're not a family any more so there's no point in us going

"Oh" she echoes my previous answer

I've realised now I'm not very good at social situations un less it's with people my own age or people I've known for a very long time and even then it's them that keeps the conversation going.

When we pulled up I was so relieved to get out I nearly jumped from the car as soon as the keys were out of the exhaust "Thank you Lily" Mrs Potter said graciously "you didn't have to do this" she says as I grab one of her shopping bag from the boot

"It's okay, I really don't mind" and I didn't mind. In a way Mrs Potter was a lot like my mum and I liked shopping with her

We walk along the beach and up the stairs to her to her house.

Crap. Does she want me to carry these things into her kitchen for her? What if James is there, what if he told his mum about last night? What if he told my dad? What if he didn't tell anyone and wants to talk to me about it? Then what do I do?

I follow her cautiously into the kitchen searching around for any sign of James. Yes he's not here. Just make an excuse and leave before your good luck runs out and he shows up.

"This really was lovely, we should do it again sometime" I say heading for the door. Shit someone's coming down the stairs… BACK DOOR!

"Linda? Is that you?" Oh thank Merlin, it's just Mr Potter

"Yes in here" She calls back, she flicks her wand and the shopping starts flying around all over the show

I swear Mr Potter almost has a heart attack when he walks in "God!" he shouts

"Well I better be going" I say and scurry out the back door although they're Mrs Potters too busy laughing and Mr Potter is too busy recovering to notice I've left.

I leap/step over the fence and go through our back door "How was it love?" My dad says as soon as my head pokes round the door. He's sat on the sofa and I'm pretty sure he's trying to work out the crosswords

"Uh… really good" I say in what I hope was an enthusiastic tone

"See I told you it'd be fun" he says as I run up the stairs

Dad and I are sitting alone at the breakfast bar in the kitchen as Petunia still hasn't come back from her 'date' yet.

"Dad" I blurt out

"Yes Lil?" he chuckles

"I was wondering tomorrow night could I go to a… gathering?" A gathering really?

"A gathering?" he asks confused

"Mhm, well it's a sort of party thing" I say hoping the word party isn't going to sway him to say no

"A party hey? Who's party?" he asks

I wonder if dad will actually remember Daniel, I mean yes we spent a whole summer joined at the hip but that was a long time ago "Daniel, you remember Daniel don't you? I met him a few summers ago here?"

"uh" he scratches his head as he tries to recall anyone by the name Daniel "I vaguely remember. So where is it?"

"Along Rosa drive" I assure him

"Lily Rosa drive is a long way away, I don't know if I'm all that confident about you going alone" Please don't say take Petunia, please don't say take Petunia "Maybe you could take Petunia" Damn. He sees the look of disgust on my face and continues "C'mon Lil, she's your sister and maybe she could bring this boy she's been devoting her time to, I think it's about time I met this stud" oh Merlin, did he really just say that

"Is there any chance I could not take her?" However I'm pretty sure of the answer

"Do you want to go?"

"Yes" is my weak answer

"Well then she's going with you" he says sternly

I want to shout BUT I'M NOT A BABY, I DON'T NEED HER TO BABYSIT. SHE WOULDN'T BABY SIT ME ANYWAYS, HELL SHE'D BE THE ONE FIRST IN LINE TO PUSH ME OFF THE CLIFF. AND IT'S NOT THAT FAR AWAY YOU'RE BEING COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL ABOUT ALL THIS! But I don't.

Instead I keep it locked in a box called Things I ought to say but don't.

"Okay." I say and get up from the table

"Lily" he says just as I'm about to go up the stairs

"Yeh dad" I stop mid-step and turn on my heels

"Lily, I was talking to Linda and she said all this stuff about dark wizards and-" Crap. He knows. Voldemort and the death eaters and all the murders that have been cropping up more and more Is a topic I have tried my very hardest to avoid. It's not proven that difficult as well. I mean I'm the only connection he has to the magic world so I could pretty much control what he knew.

"Really, what did she say" Merlin I couldn't be a worse actress, fortunately he couldn't be more oblivious and just carries on

"Well, Lily, I'm worried about you. I barely see you all year because you're off away at school. Lily I just need to know you're safe, I mean I've already lost-"

"Dad. Hogwarts is the safest place I could be at a time like this" I needed to do one of two things, reassure him I was perfectly safe and stop him talking about mum, not only could I not handle that, but I'm not sure he would be able to either.

"Are you sure"

"Positive" I force a smile

"Good" he says and strains a smile similar to mine

"So" I say trying to lighten the mood a bit "What's the dirt on Petunia's lover?" I raise an eyebrow

He chuckles then answers "Well, his name is Vernon. She says he's very nice and she likes him a lot"

That was disappointing "That's all you know? She's spent practically every day with him. For all you know he could be a stripper on drugs" I all but shout

"That's not funny" he says but there's a smile forming in the corner of his mouth

"I think- I think we need to meet her boyfriend. Soon." I say and put my feet up on the table

He pushes them off and answers "you know I think you might be right, when she gets back we'll schedule a date" he says

"Goodnight dad" I say and once again rise from the table

"Night Rose" he calls when I place my foot on the first step.

Rose? Did he just call me Rose. Forget being a Gryffindor, forget bravery and courage and all that crap.

"Daddy" I cry and run back over to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and burst into a flood of tears.

When I was 6 my dad called me rose instead of Lily, it really annoyed me so he kept doing it. Every time I would say "That's not my name daddy" and he would reply

"Really, I could have sworn that's what we named you, Chrissie, our daughter says her name is not Rose" then look at me quizzically, I would burst out laughing and so would he then he'd say

"Not Rose? What was it then? Bluebell? Buttercup? No wait I know Daisy. Yes that's it" Once I'd recovered laughing I would say

"No it's Lily"

"Lily, ah now I remember" and sigh.

He hadn't called me Rose since mum died; all of a sudden I felt 6 again. I felt like if I opened my eyes my mother would be standing right over my dad's shoulder laughing along with us and Petunia would roll her eyes at my dad's silly joke but soon it would turn into laughter. And that if I stepped out the door there would be a makeshift swing and Lilies and Petunias planted in our back garden.

"I love you Lily" my dad said and stroked the back of my hair

"I love you to" I said weakly through the tears that were stinging my cheeks

"What's with the public display of affection" Petunia scoffed as she walked through the door

"Nothing" I said and got up

"So Petunia" my dad said "Me and Lily were wondering… when are we going to meet Vernon"

"Never" she says instantly

"Never?" I ask bewildered, did she say never? "Never as in tomorrow never or never as i r?" does that make sense, I think that makes sense

"Never as in not in your wildest dreams never" she says stiffly

"Why?" I ask. Why shouldn't I get to meet her boyfriend? I mean I know I'm awkward when meeting new people but I wasn't that bad.

"Because" something about the way she said because makes me think I'm not going to like what's coming next "I want to keep him as far away as possible from you two. Freak and freaks dad. Hardly the image I want" she says as if she's superior to us

"What!" I shout

"Petunia I don't think I like you seeing a boy I've never met" my dad says in his concerned parent voice

"Well of course you can meet him dad, just keep the freak locked in her room for an hour and it'll be fine" I think she's joking. She better be joking. She's not joking, why that little…

"You know what" I say "I'll bet he's still out there" I skip over to the door and swing it open

"Lily no" Petunia calls and comes rushing after me

"Vernon? Oh Vernon" I call and step out onto the porch

"Yes" a voice says and I jump back nearly falling over. Stood over me is what looks like a whale with a moustache. Is this Vernon? Well no wonder she didn't want me meeting him

"Lily" Petunia exclaims and tries to haul me back into the house

"No, I want to introduce myself properly" I say and stretch out my hand the whale, his porky fingers grab mine and a horrible feel goes through my as I feel his sweat against my fingers. I pull away as quickly as possible and wipe my hand on my cardigan. "I'm Lily Evans, Petunia's younger sister" I say

"Precisely, younger. So maybe you should be off to bed" she says hopefully and steps towards Vernon. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the window. Holy shit, no wonder she didn't want me bursting out her to talk to him. There's mascara smudged down my face from the tears, my hair is very askew and as I was planning on going to bed, I'm not wearing a bra meaning a little more than I'd like is showing. I wrap my cardigan tighter around myself, great that solves one problem.

"I don't think it's my bed time quite yet" I grin at Petunia, if looks could kill I'd have been lying on the floor with a dagger through my heart five minutes ago

My dad steps out of the house and places his hand on my shoulder, the other grips Petunias arm and pulls her towards him. When he speaks it's in fear, like he's afraid Vernon's going to eat us or something "Hi, I'm Mr Evans, Petunias dad" He says and stands up tall so he's towering over Vernon. Although he doesn't really need to as Vernon isn't much taller than me.

"Dad" Petunia says and shakes his arm off. Her cheeks flush a brilliant shade of red

We must have looked quite intimidating really, the three of us lined up like this in front of him. If I were him I'd be shaking in my boots, then making a lame excuse and taking off down the beach

"What?" my dad says innocently whilst eyes Vernon

Vernon coughs violently "Lovely evening" he says gazing up at the sky. Really? Lovely evening? Well he looks promising

"Yes, it is" my dad says, still not taking his gaze off the mammoth whale

"Well I should probably be going" he says and tries to step past me; I dodge out of the way so he can pass. "See you tomorrow sweet trumps" he says before disappearing out of view. I have to fight back the scoff that's making that's way up the back of my throat. Sweet trumps? Really Vernon?

Petunia breaths out heavily "that's exactly why I didn't want you meeting him" she jabs a finger in my face then struts off into the house

As soon as she slams the door I release my laughter. "Lily, it's not that funny" he tries to say but as soon as the words tumble from his mouth so does the laughter he's been holding back.

We stay like this for a while, just laughing our heads off on the porch until Petunia's window opens and she shouts down to us "I can hear you you know" She calls and sticks her ostrich head out the window

"Good" I shout back and she slams closed the window

"Don't stay out too late" my dad says, it seems Petunia's little moment of anger has caused him to return to reality. Too bad, I like fun dad. He kisses me on the forehead before leaving me stood on the porch.

I let out a horse ppffftt and spin around

"What was that?" a voice says and this time I do fall over

"James?" I say clumsily getting to my feet

"Yeh, it's me" he says and I hear him get to his feet. I watch his silhouette walk over to the bar surrounding his porch, I mirror his actions "what was that?" he repeats

"_That_" I say "was Petunias _boyfriend_" I exclaim a little giggle escaping my mouth

"What?" he scoffs "but I thought Petunia's heart was mine" he pouts

"Haha, well I'm sure if you throw a rock at her window and declare your love for her she'll drop him like a rock and come running to your arms" I say and press my hands on my heart

"Got a rock?" he says smugly and I slap him hard across the head

"Ow, you're a violent one aren't you" he says rubbing his head, although I think it's just an excuse for him to mess his hair up a bit more.

Shit, I catch my reflection in his glasses and even though it was pretty dark, I'm sure the panda eyes were still a visible

"Good night James" I say and back away from him

"Night Lily" he says and watches me enter the house

"Night"


	4. Chapter 4: Talk about two left feet

I've lost it! I have 100% completely gone off the one rocker I had left. Someone needs to take me St Mungo's as soon as is humanly possible.

I had my day completely planned out (for once)

Step 1:

Wake up early

Step 2:

Have a healthy breakfast

Step 3:

Go for a quiet, relaxing walk along the beach

Step 4:

Come back, make dad breakfast

Step 5:

Go onto the porch with a charms book and read that for the first time since we broke up

Step 6:

After a long relaxing day, get ready for the party

Step 7:

Go to the party ditch Petunia and have a good time

I'm proud to say I got halfway through step 5 without anything going wrong. That is until…

There I was lying in the hammock reading casually when I got thirsty. I'd been trying to ignore it as the book was really good and I didn't want to get up, but after a while it started to get really bad and I had to go and get a drink.

So I threw my book on the floor and sat up. Big mistake. As I got up I had that thing, postural hypotension I think it's called where you stand up to fast and suddenly get dizzy. Because of this I couldn't see properly and all I saw was the abs dripping with salt water as he ran from the water, it was like a movie run as well, I swear I saw it in slow motion.

He's pretty good looking I thought. In fact he's extremely good looking. On a scale of 1-10 that boy would be and 8 verging on a 9. Then he came into view. James.

Holy crap. No, that's not James, it can't be James. I mean I know James is good looking and all but quiditch does not make a guy that muscly and lush and- stop it Lily. You do _not_ under any circumstances whatsoever find James Potter hot. It's not possible.

Just push the thought to the back of your head and forget about it.

But how can you forget about it when the one thing you want to forget about is coming up your porch steps. Shit he's coming up here.

"Lily" he called

Run away Lily, you need the bathroom, tell him you need the bathroom. He can hardly stop you from going to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back I have to… get a drink" that was not the plan. Stupid mouth.

"Okay, I'll wait here" he said and stood there. Stupid nice Lily who won't let hot shirtless boys whom she _hates_ stand out in the heat while she pretends to get a drink but really comes up with a cunning plan to get said hot shirtless boy she hates off her damned porch.

"No, you could probably use one to, what with all the swimming" YOU IDIOT

A smile spreads across his face "you were watching me swim?" he asks

TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK "No!" I said to quickly which only made his smile grow wider. "No I was not" I added, oh way to make it better Lily "would you just come on" I say gesturing angrily to the door "and put your shirt on before my sister comes in and faints" oh way to make him think you haven't been staring at his gorgeous body. Stop, no it is not gorgeous

"I haven't got my shirt" he says and holds out his hands to show me the big fat nothing he's holding

"Well… here" I said transfiguring one of our apples into a grey t-shirt for him

He reluctantly throws it on, if I didn't know any better I'd say he wanted to stay shirtless.

"So what do you want?" I ask him and walk over to the fridge

"Huh?"

"To drink? That is why I invited you in" I say jokily, but he doesn't smile

"Uh, water" he says, I grab two glasses from the cupboard and fill them with tap water

"Are you okay?" I ask him

"Hm" he says staring at the ground. Okay so something isn't right here

"James!" this wasn't me who said this "I thought that was you" my dad says coming down the stairs carrying a fishing pole

"Hi Mr Evans" says James in the friendliest way he can

"I don't care what you say dad, I'm not babysitting Lily, me and Vernon do not want to hang around with a bunch of little kids" Petunia says stomping down the stairs after my dad

"You're going Petunia and that's that, besides you're not that much older than lily, you'll enjoy it" my dad says

"Dad you know she really doesn't have to come –" I try

"She's going" my dad says firmly "You know what. I've had an idea, why doesn't James go as well. Then us adults can have a night in" my dad suggests

"No." I say. Nah uh not going to happen. No way. If bringing Petunia wasn't bad enough, imagine taking James. I mean I know he's pretty good at this whole muggle thing, but I've seen the boy drunk. If he gets just a little tipsy then he'll start babbling all kinds of stuff about Hogwarts and wizards and witches. That is not going to happen.

My dad shoots me a look "Lily, don't be rude, I'm sure James would love to go" Really dad you sure about that, because from the look on his face I'll have to disagree.

"Go where?" James asks. Oh yeh I forgot he doesn't actually know what the ruddy hell we're on about

"This guy I know is having a beach party" I say as nonchalantly as possible, picking at my nails to show how unimportant it really is

"What guy" James demands

"Just some guy" I try to shake it off and make it sound like it's no big deal and not a big party where he can snog loads of pretty girls and get all drunk

"Oh" James says, he still doesn't sound completely sure

"It's not going to be anything special" I say loud enough for only James to hear

"You know I was just headed over there now, I'll go and ask your parents James" my dad says and takes off out the door

"Petunia could you-" I motion for her to leave and she does so, not without giving me a dirty stare and scoffing

"So what's up?" I turn to James

"Nothing" he dead pans

"Oh please, I've known you for long enough to know you are not okay" I say trying to sound caring/jokey

"It's nothing, it really doesn't matter" he shrugs off my nice gesture and forces a fake smile

"Okay…" I say trying not to pressure him too much, that wouldn't get me anywhere now would it

He places his glass on the table after my dad comes back and says James's parents think it's a good idea, he says he'll see me later at about 9 and heads out the door.

_Ding dong_

I swing open the door and look James up and down. I half expected to see him stood there in his dress robes, but no. He's wearing cut off denim shorts and a white button down shirt. He ruffles his hair and I feel my arm twitch and fight the strong urge I'm having to hit away his hand and tell him to stop it.

"Hi Lily" he says, oh well look who's back to their old cheery self, that didn't take long

"James" I say and nod my head "okay let's go" I say and push him out the door.

"Aren't we waiting for your sister and the mammoth whale?" he says. Defiantly old James.

"No, we may have to go to the same party but that does not mean I'm entering or conversing with her" I say sternly and push him down the stairs "Bye dad" I call before shutting the door

"Bye Lil" I hear him call "have fun" he shouts as me and James take off down the beach

"So… you look… normal" I compliment

"Thanks" he laughs "and you look exceptionally normal" he says and examines what I'm wearing. I do a little curtsey for him and we both laugh.

"Rules!" I shout hallway down the beach, suddenly realising that –even though he does a pretty good job of pretending to be- he isn't a muggle and probably doesn't know how to act like one, I mean clothes is one thing, but acting like a completely different person when you're so used to being who you are is pretty difficult, even for the wonder that is James Potter.

"Rules?" he says ruffling his hair

"Rules." I say calmly "and rule number 1 is" I say moving his hand from his hair "no more touching of your hair. That doesn't just stand for tonight"

"What?"

"What do you mean what? You are constantly messing with your hair, you know the more you mess with it the sooner it'll fall out and I know what baldness would do to your ego so-"

"I don't constantly mess with my hair"

"What! It's all you ever do and it needs to stop." I say "Now rule number 2, no speaking of anything magical related. Even if it is just a joke, okay" I say slowly making it very clear he is to do this under no circumstances

"Isn't that kind of obvious?" he asks ignoring my superior tone

"Yes. But you know, just making sure." I say "you don't have your wand do you?" I ask him, he doesn't seem to have it, but then again they aren't called undetectable extension charms for nothing.

"Of course I do. You don't?" a look of concern and worry spreads across his face

"Merlin James, we're only going to a bloody beach party. There are hardly going to be dementors there" I nearly shout

"Fair point, but you know I take my wand everywhere, just in case" he says "and Lily, I thought we were supposed to be acting like muggles?" Duh. Merlin this boy is slow

"Yeh?" I say, he looks at me as if I'm being incredibly dim

"Well unless muggles say Merlin, I'm afraid you're sounding pretty witchy" he says. Shit. I was supposed to be setting an example, I mean I'm like the muggle expert and I can't even remember not to say Merlin instead of God.

"Right" I say feeling myself blush "Moving on… you go to an all-boys boarding school near mine. It's over in wales, yours is called St Jonathon's school for boys. Simple. Just remember that if anyone asks you" I say

"Wouldn't it be easier if we went to the same school?" He has to be awkward

"Evidently… yes, but I know people and we told them I went to an all-girls school, so it's just easier not to change it around" I explain

"Right, so then how do we know each other?" he asks

"Our parents are friends"

"Do I have a girlfriend?" he asks

"Merl-God James I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?" Fortunately he doesn't notice my slip up

"I don't know"

"Look they're not going to interrogate you or anything, just try to keep it simple and you'll be fine"

We skim through the rest of the rules (with many interruptions from James) which include other basics like don't get drunk, don't go dancing like a crazy person and humiliate me and various others.

"Lily!" Daniel calls almost as soon as we arrive. He comes over, beer in hand and gives me a hug

"Hi Daniel" I say stretching onto my tiptoes so I can hug him back

"Who's your friend?" he asks eyeing James

"This is James" I motion towards James who hasn't taken his eyes off Daniel, he looks as if he's examining his thoughts, pulling him to pieces, deciding whether he's a good person or not. Someone he can trust. To make him stop I elbow him slightly in the ribs

He quickly snaps out of it "hi" he says and goes to mess with his hair, although stops and moves his hand back to his side

"Hi" Daniel laughs at James then takes a swig of beer "do you guys want a drink?" he says sending a waft of beer breathe over us

"Uh… yeh, but not alcohol for me" I say, he gives a smile at my no alcohol request

"Okay, there's coke and stuff in the freezer over there" he says pointing to a small freezer in which a girl is sticking her tongue down who think is Daniels brothers throat "just tell those two to shove off" he says stepping past us to welcome his next guests

"He's seems swell" James says once Daniel is out of earshot

"James…" I try

"It doesn't matter" he says stepping in front of me so it looks like I'm trailing behind him. Talk about male superiority

"Ugh" I scoff and do I quick jump/skip so I'm in front of him "move" I say to the snogging couple and they do so giving me dirty looks. I smile at them in the most obviously fake way I can then grab a coke for me from the freezer "And what do you want?" I ask James. When he doesn't respond I try again "James? Heeeelllloooo? Earth to James" It's only when I click my fingers in front of his face he actually returns to reality.

"What?" he says obliviously

"Oh Me-God" I say and roll my eyes "What do you want to drink?"

"Uh…" his eyes slowly drift back to where he was staring "Whatever you're having"

Seriously. I thrust the drink into his hand and follow his gaze. Oh. That's what he was staring at. Monique Killings and by the looks of it she was staring right back at James.

How do I even begin to explain Monique Killings. Well her family are mega rich and when I say mega rich I mean mega rich. Like private jet, huge holiday home abroad, designer clothes, flashy cars, helicopters. The lot. She lives a movie. She also inherited her mums stunning looks and her dad's business mind. Long brown hair, tanned, blue eyes, skinny, busty, white perfect teeth blah blah blah. Whatever. She's not all that. Oh who am I kidding she is all that. She is without a smidgen of doubt all that.

Sometimes I think God puts people like her on the planet just to make other people feel small and insecure, I mean there is no other explanation for it. Why, or how can a person be that perfect.

Before I know it James and his coke have left me alone by the freezer and are making their way towards Monique. I watch him walk over almost mesmerised by her beauty. She is sat at the bar on the table, with her legs swinging over the ledge.

As James goes up I notice something, while James has been watching or rather studying Monique I've been watching James. The way he moves his shoulders as he walks, or how as he stepped closer to Monique the confidence in his stride was building up. That his arms swung loosely beside him and his fingers curled up as the wind blew against his broad back. Stop it Lily. Look around for someone else to swoon over. No, you were _not_ swooning over James Potter. Not at all. Oh look, there's a hot guy. Look at him instead.

Oh yes, he is much much hotter than James Potter. Oh crap you stared for too long. Now he knows you've been staring. Look away.

Okay you looked away. That's it focus on the ocean, the waves crashing against each other. That's right, the sea is beautiful.

Well maybe I should look back, just a quick look. A glance really. In fact not even a glance, more of a… skim. Yes, you're just going to skim across the beach and if your eyes just so happen to come across him, would that really be so bad? Of course it wouldn't.

"Lily isn't it?" Shit. I spill my drink down my t-shirt. Shit. "Oh I'm sorry" he says grabbing a napkin. I look up at his face. Oh Merlin it's the boy I was staring at. He's probably come over to tell me to get a life and stop staring at people way out of my league.

"It's okay" I say in what I hope was a you-don't-need-to-be-sorry-you-gorgeous-specimen-you

"You sure?" I asks.

"Yeh" I say

"Good"

"I'm Lily" I blurt out after about 30 seconds of silence

Luckily he finds my outburst quite funny "Yeh I know, I thought I recognised you" he says. Crap, I don't know him. Think Lily think, where do you know him from. Oh damn I don't know him from anywhere. Seeing the confusion on my face he quickly tries to assure me that I should have no idea who he is "No, I mean I've seen you around and someone told me who you are but we've never actually spoken before"

"Oh, right" I sigh in relief

"Well I'm Sam" he says

"Sam" I repeat. We talk for a bit more until some of Sam's friends come over and I realise what time it actually is. I jog around in search for James and find him talking to a few guys; he seems quite pleased to leave when I tell him we have a curfew to abide by. He gives them a humble goodbye and we set off down the beach towards the beach.

Funnily enough I didn't see Petunia throughout which means she either didn't come or her and Vernon found a quiet place to 'be together'. Yes I think it's the former rather than the latter, I actually hop it is as well. Not that I care what Vernon and Petunia do, it's just not something I would like to think about.

"Did you have fun…?" I ask James, I hadn't actually seen him all night, I'd been too busy talking to people, Sam introduced me to some other people and even though he is incredibly hot I don't like him that way. Plus he has a girlfriend.

"Yeh, I'm glad I went" he says. Just as I'm about to turn down the alley James grabs my arm "Can we go down the road?" he asks

"Why?"

"Just because" he says and shrugs, he's going to need a better excuse than that. The road will take twice as long. He realises that he needs to elaborate "The alley isn't lit" he says

I don't believe this. James Potter afraid of the dark, well I never "You're scared of the dark?" I try to sound more sympathetic, but in my mind I'm screaming and jumping for joy.

"No." he dead pans. Oh

"Yes you are" I say gleefully. Forget being sympathetic, James Potter is scared of the dark. The dark.

"Look I'm not afraid of the dark, it's just… can we just go down the road please?" he sounds annoyed now so I agree and we set off down the road.

"Shit, ow… okay… Shit James, bloody fucking shit" I cursed as a searing pain went through my left foot. I gripped my hand firmly on my James shoulder and used the other to hold my foot. Even under the dim street lights I could see the blood on my hand. Shit that hurts

"Lily what's wrong, are you hurt? LILY WHAT HAPPENED?" James says/shouts as I hop around on my good foot

"Shit" is all I manage. I scan the ground. Glass. Just brilliant. I've stepped in glass. Probably some pillock from the party probably thought, oh hey I'll just throw my stupid beer bottle here, no one is going to step on it and cut their ruddy foot open.

"Lily" James says bending down to take a look at my foot "That looks bad" he goes to mess up his hair but thinks better of It and decides to mop up my foot instead

"REALLY? YOU THINK? BECAUSE I HADN'T NOTICED" A bit harsh I know but I was in mad pain and him pointing out the obvious wasn't exactly helping the situation.

"Yeh" he says ignoring my sarcasm. He searches his pockets as I stand there. After about 10 seconds I feel a warm tear spill down my cheek. Damn. I wipe it away as fast as I can but as soon as I do another falls down my cheek. More start to fall and suddenly it's like there's a waterfall falling from my eyes. "Uh… Lily" James says as I frantically scrub at my face.

"Hm" I say trying to disguise the crying although he doesn't seem to notice.

"I've forgotten my wand" he sounds like a four year old confessing to sneaking cake when his mums not looking "or lost it, or- Lily are you crying" he asks leaning in closer

"No" I force out but my voice cracks, I need to change the subject, back to the wand thing, just go back to the wand thing "What do you mean you've forgotten your wand?"

He completely ignores my question and draws out a tissue "I was going to use it for your foot but if you need it for-"

"No, use it for my foot" I say and he bends down to wipe up the bloody mess that is my foot. James was trying to be gentle, I could tell he was, he was being careful not to put too much pressure on it and I could sense him trying to pick out bits of glass. I shoved my knuckle in my mouth to keep from wincing every time he touched it.

"I'm sorry" he says "I think that's the best I can do" I look down at my foot and not only is there bits of glass in it, but there is also bits of tissue lodged in the blood.

"It's okay, I'll live until we get back" The pain has definitely got worse. Far worse.

"Well… come here" James says and outstretches his arms. No. I may be hurt and unable to walk but I am not letting James carry me. End of.

"No" If I could I'd fold my arms across my chest but one is currently holding James for support and the other is clasping my foot.

"Oh c'mon-" he tries

"No" I interrupt. He can beg and plead all he like but there is no way I'm letting him carry me.

"But Lily-"

"No"

"You can't even-"

"No" I say, he curses then when he realises I'm serious throws his arm a little too hard around my shoulder and together we hobble along down the road.

"This is your fault you know" I say

"My fault" he shouts "I'm not the one who stepped in the glass"

"Noooo, but you're the one who insisted we came down this road, if we'd have gone down the alleyway like I said then there wouldn't have been any glass for me to step in"

"Really, that's your argument? Why weren't you wearing shoes anyway?" Trying to change the subject? I see right through your plan Potter

"Yes, it's a good argument and we were on the beach, I can't stand wearing shoes on the beach, then we came off the beach and it was just comfier to not wear shoes" I cling harder to James's shirt

"You're mad" he says

"I know"

"This isn't working" James says after about 5 minutes of walk/hobbling. I admit, it wasn't working. Our height difference didn't really help either it must have been straining his back bending so far over. Also it wasn't really a quick process, I look back and figured we'd only made it a couple of houses since we set off. But still he's not carrying me.

"Lily I know you don't want me to but I really don't think this is working I mean look at you. Also we're both wandless which puts me on edge because what if anyone… whatever I just think you should let me carry you" he pleads

After a few moments I agree to let James carry me "Fine" I sigh and hold up my arms. His face immediately lights up as he scoops me into his arms. As soon as he did I felt better, I was freezing cold and tired not to mention injured and James was comforting and I don't know how but warm.

I leant my head into the curve of his neck, I could've gone to sleep right there in his arms but stop myself with a question "Are you okay?" I ask him.

"Merlin Lily, you're not that heavy I'm fine-" he laughs

"No" I say seriously and his laughter stops "I mean today… before… you were…" I trail off not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"Uh…mhm" he says staring at the ground ahead

"James you can't even look me in the eye. What's wrong?" He pauses for a second and I think he's going to drop me but he keeps walking

"Okay… well, I was reading the latest daily prophet…" Oh no, nothing good ever comes from reading the daily prophet

"And…?"

"And well, Voldemorts army is getting bigger, a lot bigger. Which means the killing rates for people who aren't purebloods have gone up; even halfbloods is starting to rise." Me. That's me I'm a mu- not I don't even want to think of that word. "Well I thought you'd be safe, all the way out here and everything. But there was a kill that happened not far from here" he said still looking at the pavement. He hadn't looked at my properly since we started talking about it. "I didn't want to worry you or your dad or anything so I didn't mention it. Then you cut your foot open and I didn't know you'd just cut your foot, I thought maybe it was…" he trails off

"Maybe a death eater" I finish for him although he doesn't look thankful. He looks angry. I'm a prime target. I mean for one thing I'm muggle born. Another thing is the slitherins (who are practically death eaters already) know I want to be an aurer, James to. Plus James's mum is an aurer and I'm not sure about his dad. How very convenient for them that we just so happen to be wondering about the streets in a foreign country alone, wand less at night. Suddenly I don't feel tired anymore, in fact I'm very scared. Very scared in deed and I want to be home, I don't know why I wouldn't be much safer there but at least I would have my wand and I'd know my dad was safe.

As if reading my mind James says "Don't worry we'll be home soon" and squeezes me closer to him. I know it's probably not true as I know where we are and there's a fair way to go before we'll be back but his words were reassuring.

We didn't talk the rest of the way back, instead I buried my head in James's t-shirt and tried not to let him see the tears that I was producing. With my ear pressed to his chest I could hear his heartbeat. It was fast and hard, I could also hear his intense breathing as he struggled to carry me. I felt sorry for him in a way, it was my fault I had  
stepped on glass and he was trying to protect me, I hadn't even thanked him.

Then I remembered something, didn't I hate James Potter, yes I did. But this was not James Potter, when James isn't asking you out or snogging other girls or pulling stupid pranks with his idiot mates he's actually quite good company. I'd never seen this in James before, ever. Not that I spent much time with him but it just wasn't him. Or was it? I don't know.

I lie awake in bed, my foot now bandaged up (thanks to my dad.) Do you know what, I need my mum. I do. This is one of those times where I need a mum; I would go into her room and tell her I needed to talk. We'd go down to the kitchen and drink hot chocolate while I explained how I hated James because he was arrogant and childish, but now recently he's been the complete opposite. She would laugh at my teenage girl problem but then give me advice on how to fix it. Advice I already knew but didn't want to face, but her explaining it to me would make me realise exactly what I needed to do. But sadly I don't have a mum, I could try and talk about this with my dad but I don't think it would work. Petunia would laugh at me and then go and tell James, so not much choice there.

"I love you mum" I whisper to the ceiling then turn over in bed and try to fall asleep.

I lie for about 10 minutes until a tweet comes from the window. I open an eye to see an owl perched on the ledge. Maysie. Finally she's replied. I dive out of bed and sort of crawl over to the ledge grabbing the letter off the owl.

_How's your foot?_

_J._

Oh, it's James. I grab a quill and paper from my desk then begin to write back

_Better_

_L._

_Good_

_J._

_a/n: Okay guys, that was quite a big chapter._

_I wanted to show James's nurturing yet masculine side in this chapter and that he really does care for Lily, not quite sure how well that went. Leave your opinions; I always like to hear them. _

_I've already started to work on the next chapter so it shouldn't be long before that one's up; I'm quite excited to post the next one as there is quite a big event in it._

_Emily _

_P.s: I want to give a special thanks to everyone who has reviewed, it really makes me day._


	5. Chapter 5: The attack (part 1)

"Lily wake up" I squint at Petunia who is loitering around my bed, I don't understand Petunia, not that I ever have but I don't understand why she feels the need to make herself look immaculate all the time, I get it she wants to be pretty. What girl doesn't? I want to feel pretty to, but I don't feel the need to wear floral skater skirt, pink camisole tops and have my face permanently caked in makeup.

"What?" I groan viscerally, sinking further down into my bed, she doesn't sound entirely pleased to be awake either

"Lily wake up" she says again rocking me a little

"Why?" I grumble into the pillow, showing no sign of moving

"I don't know, dad just told me to wake you up" there's an edge to her voice now but any opportunity to boss me around she'll take

"No, It's too early to be awake" I say and pull the covers over my head, hoping to drown out the relentless attempts to wake me up

"It's not, now get up" she said shaking me harder

"No" I reply petulantly rolling over so she can't reach me

"Lily I swear to God if you don't wake up I'm going to… to… THROW ALL YOUR BOOKS OUT THE WINDOW" She huffs walking over to the window and pulling open my flowery curtains to reveal a blinding light. I use my hand to shield the sun light.

"You wouldn't" I say giving her my best if-you-do-that-then-i-swear-to-merlin-you-will-not-live-to-see-tomorrow death stare

"Oh really" she chirps picking up the first book she sees and dangling it out the window "Oh no, my fingers they're slipping" she mocks pretending to drop it. I roll my eyes at her lame attempt to get me up and bury myself back in the covers. When I pull them over my head I notice how much like roses they smell, it's quite a relaxing scent and makes me want to stay in bed forever. If I did would it really be so bad, could I not just have my meals brought to me while I stay in bed reading and watching stupid reality shows for the rest of my life? Would that really be so bad?

My fantasy comes tumbling down by the same screeching voice that woke me up "Fine, you've left me no choice" I hear a thud and leap out of bed. Sure enough her hand is empty and as I peer out the window there is an open book lying dead on the floor, it's facing the wrong way so I don't see the title. I just pray it isn't the copy of 'Before I die' my mum gave me. I don't know if she was trying to hint at something when she gave the book to me but now that I think about it, it's pretty relevant. I wish I had that thought earlier, then maybe I could have done something to make her last days more memorable, instead of sitting in a hospital wing that smells and where the nurses spend more time flirting with the doctors than making sure your food is hot enough.

Right, well, two can play at that game. I stomp out of my room ignoring her frightened pleas for me to stop. I pick up her bedazzled hairdryer and holding onto the wire start swinging it outside her bedroom window so that every few seconds a sparkly blur swipes past. Her face is full of anger and I feel as if I should be taking a photo but of course my hands were preoccupied with making her livid.

"Lily" she said carefully takes small steps towards me "C'mon now, just bring the hairdryer back inside and we'll settle this like women" Women huh? So now she wants to act like women? Well too bad, I'm a child! I let the go of the hairdryer and moments after it leaves my grasp there's a loud crash/breaking sound. She launches herself over to the window and as we both look out all that's left on the floor is a mess of jewels and electric parts. She raises her head slowly and glares at me like she's never glared before. Merlin it was only a hairdryer, not like it was a 11 years old and the feeling behind it was irreplaceable because it was to you by your dead mother. I give a small shrug then regret it as her face turns an ugly shade of red. If it was possible there would have been smoke blowing out her ears

"That's it!" She says running back into my room. I lean out of the window just in time to see her throw down another of my books, this time the spine breaks halfway through flight and it lands in two parts on the patio.

I scan her room for anything else that could launch and go for her curling iron. I waste no time dillydallying about and down goes the curling iron. I hear a squeak come from Petunia but only seconds later another of my books comes tumbling down, followed by another. I don't wait to see if they make it and reach for her hair straighteners just as another of my books hits the ground. She may be muggle but she sure is fast. Maybe she should take up a career in demolition.

In all the commotion I almost forget that my foot is weak until a searing pain reminds me I have to hop.

I'm dressed in an oversized t-shirt I pulled from my top drawer last night that just covers my bum. I'm only wearing a pair of flimsy knickers that have 'Potions Master' written across the back. I frantically pull down my t-shirt so that I'm at least modest but it's quite hard to keep that way when one of your hands is clasped around your foot and the other throwing things from your sister's window

"Lily?" a voice asks and I let out a gasp as James appears at the door. His face is a mixture of confusion and worry.

I topple over onto the floor then scramble to my feet -not in a very lady like fashion and try to act casual "Oh hi James" I say my voice a little too high

"We heard a noise and I told your dad I'd come and see if you two were alright- what are you doing?" he asks his eyes fixed on mine. I wish I could laugh, his confusion was actually funny. He had a little crease in-between his eyebrows and he had a sort of uncertainty in his eyes as he looked me over.

"Uh… I just… payback" I say and wince at the sound of my books hitting the floor. Oh no, she's moved on from paperback to hardback. "Listen James I don't expect you to understand because you don't have siblings and everything but if you're up here could you please help? You owe me anyways I mean if you weren't talking to me I'd probably be ahead right now-" I stop myself when I realise how ridiculous I must sound.

"You want me to help you throw your sisters things out the window?" he asks, Merlin, he may be captain of the quiditch team but boy was he slow.

"Mhm" I nod forcing the laugh that was crawling up my throat back into the pit of my stomach.

"You want me to help you throw your sisters thing out the window?" he repeats the confused look back again

"Yes" I say sternly. He's already wasted enough of my time, I go for her shampoo's and watch as the gooey pink substance covers the floor

"No, don't you think this is all a bit childish?" he says removing her conditioner from my hand. He wants to talk childish? This is James Potter, he was passing down the chance to act like a child. Why couldn't I have gotten Sirius? Why did I get lumped with the marauder who decides he's all of a sudden going to act responsible? If Sirius were here instead he'd have thrown Petunias bed out the window by now

"No I do not think this is childish" I say easily swiping them from his grasp.

"Lily?"

James's questioning was interrupted by Mr Potter and I cursed myself for not throwing on a pair of shorts. It was one thing for James to see me like this, but his dad. Uh. I bent my knees so my t-shirt was covering up a little more. I must have looked like a kind of duck sort of squatting there. Quack Quack. Why was Mr Potter up here anyways, why didn't my lazy dad just come up here and save me the embarrassment?

"What's going on in here?" Mr Potter asks looking expectantly at his son. Just as James opens his mouth to answer Petunia bursts into her room.

"What's going on in here?" She echoes Mr Potter's question. I look at him and Mr Potter's expression is now fearful as he lets out a short gruff cough. I sit down on Petunia's bed and give her a sarcastic smile.

"That's exactly what I want to know" My dad says appearing behind Petunia, Petunia jumps while Mr Potter looks relieved "but why don't we discuss this downstairs" he says ushering everyone out the door. Petunia looks reluctant to leave me and James alone in her room, but once she realises I'm not going to throw any more of her things from her room she leaves us be.

"Good idea" I say hopefully rising from the bed. I expect James to step back but he doesn't, and now he's only millimetres from my face. He pushes me back down and I bring my knees grumpily to my chin. I don't really like the way he thrust me back down and better not be thinking of making a habit of it.

"Oh no you don't" he says and I dread that he's going to ask how the argument started and I'll have to explain to him what happened and I really don't want to because now that I think about it, it's pretty ridiculous.

I needn't worry though because James simply says "how's your ankle" I let out a sigh of relief and answer.

"Better" I cross it over my leg and James bends down to have a look at it.

"Why haven't you used magic to fix it yet?" he asks obscurely and tests the amount of pressure he can put on it before I wince in pain.

"I've been… busy" Yeh busy arguing like a child with my idiot sister.

I flinch as he prods the injured area and his eyes immediately flicker up to meet mine. He draws out his wand and carefully places it to my scar. At first the pressure hurts but soon after It sooths. I close my eyes at the relaxing sensation of life sinking back into my foot and let a small sigh escape my mouth. James chuckles then the bed sinks down as he sits next to me.

* * *

I skip down to the kitchen on my newly healed foot then take a seat on the ugly hard wood chairs that surround the equally as ugly and hard table.

"What are you guys doing here?" I look over at James and munch on a piece of toast. He doesn't seem to register me question and just stares quizzically at me as he has been doing since he followed me down.

"We're going to play a bit of Quiditch, or rather try, bit hard with only 3 people" Mr Potter says rubbing his chin, the skin and stubble make a sort of rustling noise

"We'll manage" James assures his dad

"Lily there you are" My dad walks in beaming "We're just going out to-"

"I know play Quiditch. Or they're going to teach you to fly" I show him off with several flicks of my hand

"Yes play quiditch. We're lucky today, the weathers lovely and Lily; Petunia has gone to Vernon's so you'll have the house to yourself…" I don't listen to the rest of his sentence. The house to myself. The house to myself? THE HOUSE TO MYSELF! I haven't had the house to myself in months. I could run around naked singing the eye of the tiger if I wanted to! Well technically I couldn't because of my foot and we have windows but apart from that I could. "Well I was going to leave you the house to yourself but after this morning I don't think that-"

Wait, I back slowly towards the window and while my dad is fretting take a quick look outside. What exactly had Petunia told him? The remains were still on the floor and he wasn't all that angry, had she not told him all that happened? Or had she only said part of it? Well whatever she had told him, we didn't appear to be in trouble.

"No, no dad please leave me, I'll only be reading" Ugh. What was I going to read, my books were all over the floor and most were broken.

"Oh all right" my dad finally agrees, I take another look out the window at my books; I wonder how many I could salvage. Do we even have any glue? Or would tape be better? Or maybe I could use-

I'm such an idiot! What the hell is wrong with me? I'M A WITCH FOR MERLINS SAKE! IF I WANT TO FIX MY BOOKS ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CAST A RUDDY SPELL AND POOF THEY'RE FIXED. I think the problem is I've been spending too much time with muggles that their ways of thinking have started to rub off on me.

By the time I'm finished mentally kicking myself for being so dim I'm the only one left in the kitchen "Wait" I call after James. He stops in the doorway and faces me "Look James. It's my dad's first time out on a broom so can you promise to take care of him? I just don't want him…" I cringe at the thought of him plummeting to the ground from a broom when James is bust focusing on something else "he's a man, he'll get carried away… just make sure he's safe." I say

James nods his head and now I'm hyper aware of the fact that his face is only inches away from mine and I haven't even had time to brush my teeth this morning "He'll be fine Lily" he assures me running his fingers down my arm. Okay that is inappropriate for new friends. I lunge back but his fingers stay on my arm, he grips even tighter. It's as if he knew what I was about to do.

"James I…" but before I could finish he was out the door. I wanted to tell him I'd already lost one parents and if my dad so much as breaks a finger then he's got all hell to pay, but I let him take off down the beach with only a lame "goodbye" call as he disappeared from sight.

I go back into the kitchen and pull out a carton of orange juice; I pour myself a glass then hurry back upstairs to take a shower. Leaving my makeshift pyjamas on the bathroom floor I put on a blue bikini and throw a grey tank top over me.

I skip out into the sunshine and quickly fix my books; I then send all but one of them floating back into my bedroom where I left them. I take a look at Petunia's things. If I wasn't such a nice person I would have been able to leave them there without feeling the slightest bit of guilt but sadly that's not me. I throw a spell in their direction and within seconds they're themselves again (a few changes like the colour and sparkles but really I'm not that great of a witch- or nice person. She still needed a little bit of punishing.)

I take my book to the hammock and sink into it, just letting my skin absorb as much sunlight as possible. I read for a bit then look out over the water, it really is beautiful. It looks so tranquil and calm and before I know it I'm halfway along the beach in only my bikini heading for the water.

I've never been much of a swimmer due to my traumatic ocean experiences, most of which include my sister lying to me about sharks or jellyfish, Scarred for life.

I wade in about knee deep and stand in the water. I open my arms out and for the first time since we've come here I actually feel relaxed with the sun beaming down on my face. If I close my eyes I could pretend I was 7 again. My sister could be out in the deep end calling me a wimp for not venturing as far as her. My dad could be a bit further down the beach waiting in the scorching heat for melted ice-cream. My mum… my mum could be laid on her lounger reading, occasionally looking up and laughing at me and my sister in the water.

That's when I feel his hands around my waist. They're wet against my dry skin and I jump causing us both to plummet into the water. "What the hell James" I yell picking myself back up and removing a clump of wet hair that's sticking to my cheek. He laughs and rises to his feet. When he does so I suddenly get the urge to jump back under the water so he can't see my body. This is where I regret not going to all those spinning classes with Petunia. "That was not funny" I shout to him sternly as he continues to laugh. I fold my arms across my chest and walk back from the water.

My bikini bottoms have ridden up on my left bum cheek, I can feel it. How much more embarrassment can I take, I move my hand to fix them but remember James behind me and stop just in time.

"Oh c'mon Lily" I hear him say then I feel a spray of cool water across my back.

"Did you just splash me?" I say aghast.

"Maybe" he looks down at the water.

Right that's it. I bend down and throw water back in his direction. He looks up and I laugh at him as his hair is now drenched and hanging across his face. He walks over to me and I step back still laughing as he sweeps his hair back to into place.

I go to throw more water but he catches my arms and holds them up just in front of my face, I get scared for a moment until he starts laughing to "No, no James" I plead as he lifts me up and starts to walk further into the water "No, James please" I say as he dangles me in front of him.

"Don't what?" he asks mockingly

"Don't drop me" I say clinging to his neck and refusing to let go. This seems to be a position I've found myself in on more than one occasion and I do not like it one bit.

"Drop you?" he asks. He wouldn't dare. He wouldn't, but he so would. What happened to responsible James from this morning? Where the hell did he go and when someone finds him can we please bring him back? Before I know it I'm under the water, the water goes up my nose and the salt hurts my eyes. I come up spluttering and see James's smirking face.

"This is not funny" I say splashing him harder. I launch as much water over as I can but he just ignores it and laughs harder

"No James please" he mocks in a high pitched tone, if that was supposed to be an imitation of me he needs a lot of help because it was terrible.

"I do not sound like that" I say coughing up more water

"Yes you do" he says as I throw another wave of water his direction

I half expect him to throw water at me and hold my hands in front of my face ready to block but instead he lies on his back and just floats. I wait a minute to see if he's going to rise and when he doesn't move I lie next to him. I can't keep my eyes open because the sun is directly above our heads and hurts so I close them and ask him "How was quiditch?"

"Good" he replies with very little emotion

"Just good?" I ask.

"Oh I'm sorry it was spectacular" he jokes "Your dad's a natural you know" Pft, as if.

"Ha" I laugh at him. My dad a natural, sport isn't a strong point of his. Don't get me wrong he loves sport, a lot. I think it's just better for him to watch sport than participate he's not exactly… he's just… like me. Not very good at sport, however it never bothered me, I'm perfectly happy sitting on the side-lines cheering on the Gryffindor's as they lead us to victory, but my dad wants to be the one getting cheered on.

"No really he was, I was shocked I mean you're not exactly…"

"The sporty type" I finish for him "I know, neither is my dad really"

"Right" he answers. I don't ask for any more details on the event and even if I did I wouldn't understand a word of it either, at matches I usually just sit there clueless and cheer when everyone else does. I know a few basic things like the gold ball ends the game and they've got to throw one of the other balls through the hoops to score points. I never got why the whole team doesn't just go after the little ball though I mean if it's that special why have just one person going for it? I suppose they need to score points to but they have a goalie and everything so if the other team can't score then do they really need to score?

"Speaking of my dad, where exactly is he?" I ask him, I would expect him to have been home by now, if James was then shouldn't he be?

"He and my dad stayed" he explains. Pft. James Potter missing out on quiditch?

"You left them?" I ask him, the panic in my voice surprised even me.

"No. Well yes. But not alone, there's this guy I know from the broom shop and he stayed with them" he explains carefully. I stand up in the water and if James notices he doesn't do anything about it. He looks quite peaceful lying there, his eyes are closed and the mess he calls hair floats inches away from his face. I can't help but avert my eyes to his chest. I mean I have no intention of doing anything with him but his eyes are closed so it's not like he can see me and I am still a girl.

"Oh, I thought quiditch was your pride and joy" I say so he doesn't get suspicious and open his eyes. If he saw me drooling (not that I was) over his body then I would never hear the end of it. In fact he'd probably walk around Hogwarts shirtless for the next year. I remember a few years ago when he 'found out' I liked scrambled eggs, he came and sat next to me every day for a week eating scrambled eggs. He kept bringing them up in the oddest of times to. It was rather annoying actually. At the time I thought it was a practical joke, it was only after I questioned Sirius as to why he was doing it he told me it was because James had a huge crush on me and was trying to find things we have in common. I confronted James about the whole thing and he said that he used to have a crush on me (at which point I got completely flustered and could barely move) but he doesn't anymore, he just has strong feeling towards scrambled eggs.

"Yes, but… I wanted to see you" My face blushes a whole new shade of red. He wanted to be with me? He wanted to be with me? Why would he- Oh Merlin, he didn't think we were together or anything? Did he? No of course he didn't, why would he? He doesn't. But I mean it would explain his sudden outburst of flirtatious actions like staring at me in the kitchen, running his fingers down my arm, coming up behind me and having a little water fight. But why would he think he could just do that? I mean yes I let him carry me home but I'm pretty sure he would have carried Sirius home if he was in that state (not that Sirius would let him). So I did what any girl would do.

I ran.

* * *

I'm a wuss I know, I should have just asked him. That would have been the logical thing to do but well… I don't know, so I came up with the lame excuse that I needed to go grocery shopping and ran back into the house.

So here I am, yes I'm pathetic. I've packed up my things and to avoid meeting James and having to confront him I'm sat on the floor in the living room, peeking out the window every now and then to see if he's left.

Here's the plan. When he does finally leave I'm going to make a run for the door and escape to my car. Then I'll drive to the grocery store, pick up a few things we don't need and come back making a big scene of entering my house so he knows I actually did go shopping and it wasn't a silly distraction so I didn't have to talk to him.

"What are you doing?" Petunia asks, or rather hisses at me

"Waiting for James to leave" I say in the most controlled voice I can, but I think I passed controlled 20 minutes ago.

"Lily get up" she says and motions for me to stand up

"Why?"

"Because, Vernon is going to be here in about 30 seconds and excuse me for not wanting him to think you're a total freak. I managed to salvage the other night by saying you were drunk but there's no beer in sight and unless I want him to think I come from a family of drunks…" she trails off as Vernon steps through the door.

"Lily" Vernon nods towards me looking a little confused while Petunia just stands there radiating anger. Red is really not a good colour on her.

"Vernon. Nice to see you again" I say graciously with a bit of mock

"Uh… why are you on the floor?" he asks me scratching his head

"Nothing, I could be drunk… I'm not sure, there's no alcohol in sight" I say looking around the room and lift my hands up with a slight click of my tongue

"Lily-" Petunia cries

"It's okay Petunia, you're excused" I giggle as Vernon stands there completely unaware of the joke I made. I feel sorry for him in a way… having to put up with Petunia's rubbish sense of humour.

"C'mon Vernon" Petunia says grabbing Vernon's chubby hand. She leads him into the kitchen mumbling something like 'stupid freak' and I return to my plan.

A few minutes after Petunia slyly steps out from the kitchen looking very satisfied. "What did you say you were doing again Lily?" she asks me flashing her blinding (but so obviously bleached) white teeth

"Waiting for James to leave, why?" I say glancing back out the window. He still hasn't left.

"Oh." She says, something isn't right here. She's rocking on her heels gleaming with excitement, and then she takes a huge step towards the door "James" she calls. No. She wouldn't. "James" She faces me, I'm on my knees, hands clasped together pleading for her to stop. "James" she calls again annoyed by the fact he didn't come running at the sound of her voice.

"Petunia?" I hear him say, his voice is loud which means he must be walking towards the house

"Lily said something about you, about wanting you to come in but she didn't want to ask you because-" I dive forward and push her from the doorway. I really did not want to hear how she was going to end that sentence

"Hi James" I say as casually as possible and rest my elbow on the doorframe

"What was-" he cranes his neck to see into our house

"Nothing, you know just Petunia being… Petunia" I say standing on my tiptoes to block his view

"I thought you were going shopping?" he asks, Pft

"I was, I mean I am" I mean I am when you leave, so could you please get on with that?

"She is" Petunia shoves me out of the way so I can't see past her "that's why I called you. She wanted you to come" She really is a-

"Really?" Cocky ba-

"Really" Petunia clarifies

"Actually-" I try to squeeze past Petunia but she moves her elbow in all directions, it hits me right in the jaw and I step back.

"I suggest you go and get changed, then come back here and you two can go shopping" she suggests pushing him out the door.

"Right… okay" I hear him take off down the steps

"Petunia you-"

"Lily I did you a favour" she says brightly

"Oh really. If you wanted to do me a favour you could have just-" I'm getting mighty sick of her interrupting me

"You are so ungrateful" she says and pinches me cheek

"Me ungrateful? What are on?" I shout hitting her hand away

"Lily!"

"Petunia" I wail "Why would you do that?"

"Revenge" she whispers and then scurry's off into the kitchen laughing

Seconds later there's a knock on the door "Hi" James says when I open the door. The look on my face says not amused but he ignores it and smiles at me "So are you ready to go?"

No. "Yes" I sigh and pick up my bag "Let's go" I say and gesture for him to leave as all he is doing is standing in the door looking sheepish. Idiot.

* * *

When we set off driving I begin to fiddle with the radio "Are you sure you should be doing that?" James asks me

"Doing what?" I say irritably, I think I know a little more about muggle technology than him

"Well it's just… how can you concentrate properly" he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Merlin, he's a baby

"Believe it or not James I can do two things at once. It's called multi-tasking, maybe you should try it sometime" I snap. I can tell that James is shocked by my sudden outburst and so am I really, I guess I'm still annoyed at Petunia for forcing me to take James and I'm not sure James does like me, maybe I was getting in a little bit over my head, I mean really why would he? Yes, I was over reacting, he was just being friendly.

But why was he being friendly, I mean we've only loathed each other for years. Well I admit we don't loath each other anymore, we're civil but we're nowhere near friends.

"Right" Once I find a station I like I settle back into my seat and concentrate on driving. James doesn't complain the rest of the way there. In fact he doesn't talk the rest of the way there, he just sits looking anxious but keeping his thoughts to himself, he's probably scared I'll shout at him again. I try to keep from thinking of James and try to focus on other things like the bush shaped like a person or the woman cycling down the road on her bike that doesn't really look like a bike.

My idea works for a while but somehow James starts to creep into my mind again, he seems to relate to everything. I look at a dog, how can James relate to a dog. Well I suppose the dog has the same kind of hair, out the corner of my eye I look at James, yes he and the dog defiantly have the same hair. Oh Merlin now I'm actually searching for things James has in common with my James distractions.

Ice- cream truck. There ice-cream truck works. How can James possibly relate to and ice-cream truck?

"I love ice-cream" James says. Oh brother, can he read my thoughts? I think he can read my thoughts, there's no other way to explain it.

"Mhm" I mumble scanning the road for anything else that will distract me

"What's your favourite flavour?" he asks me

"Vanilla" I say automatically. Vanilla, I like vanilla. It's not my favourite so I don't know why I said it but yes, vanilla is nice.

"Mine's chocolate" he says, oh how interesting James Potters favourite flavour ice-cream is chocolate "I quite like vanilla though" he says

"What is your obsession with ice-cream" I blurt out before I can stop myself. Oh Merlin someone drop me in a well. What is wrong with me, this is just more evidence I need help. You know I think my problem is I have no filter, or I do just sometimes it doesn't work. People with a good filter process what they're saying and take out the ridiculous stuff that makes people think you're batty.

"My what" he scoffs, I lean over James into the glove compartment and search for my sunglasses, at least they'll cover up my eyes and it'll be easier to look at him. The car sways as my head ducks and I lose sight of the road. James reaches for the steering wheel.

"I don't know" I say quietly hoping he'll forget

He doesn't. "You said I had an obsession with ice-cream" we stay silent for a few moments and I cannot express how relieved I am when he bursts out laughing "You're a crazy one Evans" he says and shakes his head from side to side.

* * *

I climb out of the car and walk fast so James trails behind me. As soon as we walk into the shop and the cool air conditioner hits me I feel a hell of a lot better.

"So what's first on your list?" James asks

"Huh?" I say wafting my hand to create a breeze on my face. I remove my sunglasses from my face and put them in my bag, I feel a droplet of sweat run down my back and it suddenly dawns on my how hot it really was outside. I look up at the signs in hope to see one labelled deodorant but it's all in Mexican and I don't understand a word of it.

"On your shopping list?" James looks puzzled, oh right shopping. Duh. That's why we're here.

"Oh, uh..." I pull out a slip of paper I wrote a few random items on only minutes before

"Melon" I say and we walk over to where the melons are "Okay you pick one, I'm going to go and get some bread" I say and walk away from him.

I walk towards the bread but then take a detour towards the deodorant. I pick up the first tester I can find and spray myself. I cough as the mist falls over my body; trust me to pick the one that smells terrible. I reach for another one and spray it on me. Great a men's one. I go for another and yes it smells nice, just not mixed with the other two. By now it's too late to spray anymore and I hope it's not to noticeable. I grab a loaf of bread and walk over towards the melons.

I couldn't smell worse, luckily James couldn't care less and just asks me if the melons big enough, true I stand far enough away that he shouldn't really be able to smell me.

We continue shopping then head to the checkout "Hi" the checkout lady perks up and smiles brightly "How are you?" she asks James. She has dark brown hair that falls just below her shoulders and if she had taken care of her teeth I'm sure she'd have been quite pretty.

"Fine" James answers completely oblivious to the fact the cashier (who could be his mum) is swooning over him in the middle of the damned store. I don't even know how he can understand her with that Mexican accent (okay so her accent wasn't that strong.)

She doesn't do a very good job of disguising the hurt look on her face. I scowl at her disgusting attempt to flirt and she shoots me a horrid glance "So… how long are you in town for?" she asks James. P-lease.

"Uh… a few more weeks" he says and stuffs the bananas into the shopping bag. I actually thought she was going to ask him out but she doesn't, she just continues to drool. I watch James as he packs oblivious to her.

I thrust over the money and she shoots me a glare. I stalk out of the shop meaning James has to run to catch up with me.

"Okay, what gives?" he asks me as I load the bags in the boot.

"Nothing" I say blatantly, and slam the boot closed.

"Lily?" he says opening his door

"What, nothing's wrong" I try to shrug him off

"Why are you acting so cold?" he pry's again

"I'm not" I defend. Well maybe it's because you don't do anything about stupid flirting grandma's who wouldn't be flirting with you if you didn't come on this damned shopping trip which was devised so I wouldn't have to talk to you about the fact I think you think we're dating, which I'm not so sure about anymore due to the fact you didn't stop said flirting grandma and tell her your devoted to me. Not that I would've wanted you to of course.

"Is this because I came with you?" he asks, well isn't he just a brilliant mind reader.

"No. Honestly I'm fine" he knows I'm lying as much as I do because my voice goes higher than it usually is. I jam the keys in the ignition and the engine jolts to life, it almost sounds as angry as me.

"Fine… you're okay" I don't know whether it was the mock in his voice or just the fact I thought he should know but something made me speak.

"It's just… why would you let that Lady flirt with you? It's disgusting" I shout at him, he doesn't seem hurt though, he actually seems pleased.

"Are you jealous?" he asks me a half smile forming at the side of his mouth, oh no, oh no, no, no, no. I do not get jealous. I don't, okay maybe I do when certain sluts are snogging Amos Diggory over breakfast but over James Potter, p-lease.

"Jealous, please. Get over yourself! It's just wrong" I amend. Jealous, me? Please. Now he's the mad one, yep he's totally insane if he thinks I'm jealous "I'm not jealous" I say backing out of the parking space.

"Okay you're not jealous… but you're a terrible driver" he says clinging onto the dashboard

"What!" the car stalls as I stare in amazement. Not really helping there, I am not a terrible driver though. I am a brilliant driver.

"See" he says as we jolt back into reverse

"I am not a terrible driver" I say sternly

"Oh yes you are, I have to cling on for dear life you drive so fast. It's terrifying" he complains

"Well you're the first to complain" I point out

"Oh no I'm not" he says. Oh who could he possibly know that complains about my driving?

"Your dad said you were and then when my mum came back she said she was scared stiff you were going to cause an accident" now that I think about it, my dad avoids getting in the car with me all the time and when he is in the car he has to drive. I always thought that was some big male superior thing, not that I was an awful driver. Petunia never lets me drive either but I thought that was just Petunia being Petunia.

"Oh… so I'm a horrible driver then" I sigh "whatever, I haven't killed anyone yet" I reply turning onto the main road.

"Yet" James repeats, he has the nerve to chuckle.

"Wait a minute, so before when you were looking uncomfortable and didn't want me to turn the radio on…" I wonder.

"Yes I was scared out of my wits you were going to crash the car, I didn't want any distractions. Including talking" So that's why he was being quiet, I knew something was up

"Oh"

"It's not a bad thing Lily, everybody has something they can't so, you just can't drive properly" he says, psh says him.

"Oh yeh, I can think of many other things I can't do. But not you, oh no, because James Potter is the most perfect human being to ever grace the planet and everyone loves him even though he's always tormenting students and he always gets top marks when he doesn't bother to show up…" I start to babble but then immediately wish I hadn't. I just wanted to shove the words back in my mouth and pretend I'd never said them.

"Right… you really think I'm perfect?" he asks. Oh trust him to only get that from what I said.

"No" I say quickly, I can only imagine how much I'm blushing

"But you just said-" stop him from talking

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did"

"No I didn't"

"Yes you did"

We could go on like this forever

"No I didn't"

"I heard you say it"

"You're mad"

"Lily I heard you say it"

"Mad, mad mad mad mad" I shake my head with each word

"Lily you said I was perfect"

"Whatever I was babbling, people lie when they babble"

"So you admit, you said it" Stupid pillock

"No I didn't, I will kick you onto the curb, and you can walk home"

"At least that'll be safer than riding with you" he mutters. The cheek of it. Maybe I will drop him here, there's an ice-cream truck, maybe he could get one.

"Whatever" I say and roam for my sunglasses

"Can we please switch" he pleads, he gets my sunglasses for me and puts them in my hand.

"No, I like driving. Driving is the fun part" I say. I reach for the radio to show that I can multi task and am not an awful driver. Plus it's pretty funny to see James's scared face.

"No Lily" he says reaching for the off button but I slap his hand away before he can "Lily-"

"Sssshhhh I like this song" I say "And when the broken hearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be-" I scream from the top of my lungs, it doesn't really fit the tune as it's a relatively slow song.

He puts his hands over his ears "Lily, you may be the worst singer-"

"Sssshhhh" I reach over to cover his mouth with my hand. He dives forward grabbing the wheel.

"But you're definitely a worse driver" he slumps back in his seat leaving me to take the wheel

"I'll have you know I passed my driver's test first time round" Which is technically true, I mean I passed it by the skin of my teeth and it took me 3 hours to actually back out of the car park but apart from that my driver's test went spectacularly.

"Yeh, that's probably because the examiner was terrified of being in the car with you so he passed you so that he wouldn't have to ever get in the car with you again" Idiot, although there was some logic behind his theory.

"Oh yeh, and how many try's did it take you to pass your test?" I ask him, 5, no wait 7.

"1" he says proudly

"You're an idiot" is all I can come up with

"An idiot who can drive properly." I don't know why I bother with this kid sometimes.

* * *

_a/n: Okay so I wrote this and then was like 'Woah, okay that's too long!' so I've done it in two parts, I still need to go over the over half to edit it and what have you, but I've already written it which means it should be up pretty soon. I'd also like to apologise for taking a while to update. I know it's the half term so there's no excuse really, I've just been really busy (*cough cough* sleeping, eating and tumblering.)_

_Again please leave your thoughts_

_Emily_

_P.s: Even though I shortened it, it's still a pretty long chapter so you can see why I had to cut it in half_

_ : This chapter isn't the most exciting of chapters, but the next half is _very_ exciting so that should make up for it._


	6. Chapter 6: The attack (part 2)

"What was that?" I ask James as the car stalls; I start it up again and drive.

"Your awful driving" James mocks

"I didn't do that" I say as the car stalls again.

Panic fills his face as he realises I'm serious. I feel another jolt and my neck snaps forward. Ahead I see a green light. It's unmistakable; it was shot from someone's wand.

Another jolt, this time more powerful and the back window smashes and tiny pieces of glass shower the shopping.

I look back and two figures in black cloaks stand in the road. I watch as another green light comes directly at us from the one on the left's wand, I duck and it misses me causing the windscreen to smash into a million little pieces. I shield my face and the car swerves causing my hip to slam into the gear stick.

"Drive Lily" James shouts. That's easier said than done.

* * *

I finally pluck up enough courage to speak "James-"

"Lily, drive" he is clinging tight on the dashboard his knuckles turning an ugly shade of white. I put my arm out and try to clear as much glass off the dashboard as I can but it only results in multiple deep gashes across my arm. I try not to think of the pain and drive faster. I'm forced back into my seat as the car accelerates far past 60. Every few seconds I glance back, the men have gone but I still don't stop. I want to be as far away from that place as possible.

"Turn here" James says. I probably should have asked why we were turning into a dark street when we were trying to escape what was looking to be two death eaters who wanted to possibly kill us, but I didn't. "Pull over" James says.

This time I object, ish "I'm not sure that's the best idea" I say

"I don't care what you think is the best idea, pull over" he says, although not in a mean why like you'd expect, in a worried way. "Lily pull over" he says again

I had no intention of pulling over "No" I shout.

"Lily." I pull over. He practically throws himself out of the car and walks round to my door. He pulls it open with more force than is nessacery and – this time nicely- asks me switch places with him. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have done this but my arm was burning with pain and there were shards of glass still lodged in it. Almost as soon as I had placed my bum on the seat James set off driving. I hate to admit it but he was a better driver than me. He seemed to have more control over the car which was reassuring.

"Where are we going" my voice cracked in between partly because I was picking glass out of my arm under only the street lights

"It doesn't matter right now. Don't do that, we'll sort it out once we're there" he says. Well maybe if you told me where there was…

"Right" I say. He doesn't answer; he clenches his jaw and continues to drive.

I sit back in my seat and close my eyes. I will not go to sleep. I'll just close my eyes for a second, just a second, I'll order my thoughts.

I eventually give up with the idea of staying awake as my eyelids became too heavy and at that moment I just didn't have enough energy left to keep them open.

* * *

It's raining. My wet face is leant against James chest and through his soaked t-shirt I can feel the outline of his abs (although that's not really what I'm focusing on.) His hand is clamped tightly over my mouth, I suspect he thinks it will prevent me from screaming but at the moment I didn't think I had the energy to do much more than breathing. We had abandoned the car a long time ago and run into a town centre. It was late, very late. I wasn't sure of the time but I could tell it was past 5 because if it wasn't for the dim street lights, we'd be in total darkness.

The stars are out in full force and the moon seems to be doing everything it can to illuminate us. Almost like it wanted us to be found.

I'm pretty sure we lost the death eaters a while back but James refused to stop walking.

"C'mon" James said slotting his hand into mine.

I didn't object, mostly because his hand was warm and if he didn't pull me then there was a good chance I wouldn't move. I was scared. In fact, I was more than scared, I was petrified and with each shaky step I grew more and more frightened. I could feel the fear slowly taking over my body. It was like I was slowly sinking and the further I sunk I was slowly being drowned in fear. "It's okay Lily" I don't know who James was actually trying to convince when he said that but never the less it helped. A lot. He clung onto my hand tighter, I think if he held on any tighter the blood flow would be cut off and my hand would have to be amputated.

"James where are we?" I didn't recognise any of the shops. I wasn't even sure we were in Mexico anymore; I mean really, how often does it rain in Mexico? I couldn't read the shop signs through the rain which was beginning to turn to hail. The frozen balls patter on my bare shoulders and if the goose bumps on my legs got any bigger, I could probably use them to stab the death eaters. "James" I say again. He doesn't even seem to register me "JAMES" I shout. He looks just as scared as me and for the first time all holiday I remember he's only as old as me. He may be taller and stronger and faster, but on the inside, he was probably just as afraid as me.

"Lily could you just let me concentrate for a minute. I haven't been here for a long time and I'm trying to think" With my other thought still in mind I place a reassuring hand on his back, he jumps at my gesture and I remove my hand as he walks ahead, dragging me behind.

We enter a park; I didn't catch the name though. It was hardly the most important thing on my mind; instead I focused on not stepping in the huge puddles which were at least ankle deep.

"Well… who do we have here?" A man steps out from behind one of the trees. He's tall, maybe taller than James, his hair is long and pulled back into a tight ponytail, his eyes glisten although not in a nice way like when you hold the door open for an old man and he smiles brilliantly and his eyes light up at the fact that todays' youth aren't all disrespectful sluts and chavs. James pulls his wand out and with his other hand he pushes me behind him so half my body is being shielded by him.

"There is no need for that" Another voice says from behind. I draw my wand and point it into the darkness. The other man comes into view under the faint light of the street lamp; he is slightly shorter than the other but makes up for it in his horrifying features. In a way he looks like a mouse that is if mice were to have extremely greasy hair, I was actually worried that if I got any closer to him I'd drown in his hair grease. He also had an abnormally large nose and I wasn't sure but I think I could see a large wart placed on the end.

Neither of them had their wands out, I suspected that it was a tactic designed to show us they meant absolutely no harm when the reality was that harm was exactly what they meant. I kept the word stupefy on the end of my tongue ready to shout it if they so much as reached for their wands. I tried to think back to defence class, man I wish I hadn't spent so much time doodling and actually spent my time paying attention. I switch me wand over to my other hand think I would be stronger as it wasn't covered in blood and there weren't shards of glass lodged in it. Big mistake. It showed I was weak; I could almost make out a gold tooth on the smaller man as he smiled.

"Well well, what's happened to you?" he inches closer to me and I freeze as he traces his finger softly down my cut. It stung, there was a sort of burning sensation because the further down he got the harder he pressed. By the time he reached my wrist I was convinced he wanted his finger to go all the way through my arm. I fought hard to keep the tears from spilling from my eyes. I can cry later. If we make it to later.

"Don't touch her" James says, the pain in his voice was almost unbearable. I couldn't look at James's face, if the sound of James's voice made me feel this bad, the look on his face would surely break me.

The man ignored James's request and instead kept his dark eyes locked on mine, I refused to let go first. I felt his fingers trace my collar-bone. He was touching me ever so softly and in a way I wished he would go back to hurting me.

"You seem like a fun one, strong" the mousy one whispered in my ear, he removed a strand of hair from my face so he could nibble my ear. He breathed heavily and I held my breath so the smell of firewhisky and cigarettes didn't knock me unconscious.

"Hhhmmm she does" the taller one said his fingers moving further and further down my t-shirt, although never going too far down, instead he teased me.

"Stupefy" James yelled just as the man's fingers ventured where I'd _really_ rather they didn't. He went flying backwards and landed flat on his back near the park entrance. He let out a cry of protest and pushed himself up off the ground.

The other one opened his mouth to fire a curse at James but before he could muster up the right words I repeated James's words, he too went flying back and landed hard next to the other. I waited a second then once the message that I needed to move successfully travelled from my brain to my feet I stumbled backwards dragging James with me and if I hadn't I'm pretty sure James would killed them both there and then.

As soon as James returned to earth he snapped back into his over protective self "Lily I need you to trust me okay?" I didn't like the sound of that but I was in no mood to argue with him. I nodded my head slightly.

James led the way from the path into a wood sort of thing, only there weren't enough trees for it to be a wood.

I followed shortly behind, tripping over the occasional tree root. Now and again I would fall onto my knees and I was pretty sure by the end of the night they would be ripped to shreds. James helped me up each time, not saying anything but each time my legs got shakier and the time in which it took me to trip again gradually got shorter. I could tell after about the 7th time James was getting annoyed and probably thought I was faking it, when I was really just so scared – petrified and cold – freezing that my legs weren't working properly.

The street James led me to was narrow with attached three story houses on either side. At the end I could make out what I think was a church. We stopped outside one of the houses, it was a pretty little thing, and a thick layer of ivy surrounded the windows twisting round the gutter. There were hanging baskets overflowing with all sorts of brightly coloured flowers and I wondered where we could possibly be.

When no one answered James knocked harder. A small grumble came from inside followed by the sound of shuffling feet "Padfoot, it's me" James said. The door swung open and there stood an extremely displeased however only half awake Sirius Black.

* * *

_I'm in the car park when the rain starts, it isn't just drizzle either, it's the kind of rain that as soon as you step into makes your clothes cling to your skin, your nose runs, eyes puff up and just puts you in an awful mood. Hugging my arms around my waist I shiver and wait._

_I look at my watch, 1:23 am; my dad said he'd be here to pick me up at 1. _

_With this in mind I walk back into the warmth of the station and wring out my t-shirt. Once most of the water is out, I look for a payphone. The place is pretty deserted; most people chose to travel in the day not the middle of the night. That is if they travel at all, people tended to come for us at Christmas but with my mum in the state she was… we decided it would be better for her if it was just us three. _

_Or at least that's what my dad decided, I imagine it was a pretty hard fight to win as my mum hates it when people fuss over her, eventually he must have got the doctors to tell her it would be best because there is no way she would have agreed to it just being us three otherwise. The more the merrier is what she would have said._

_I have to wait for a lady with two children to finish. The lady doesn't speak English, instead she shouts violently down the phone in French while her children run across the chairs, there mucky shoes dirtying the ripped fabric. She slams the phone back in its holder but it swings back and she hauls her children away leaving it dangling by the rusty silver wire._

_I retrieve the phone and dial our number, Petunia answers. _

_"Hello" she sounds distressed _

_"Petunia it's me-" I stop speaking when I hear my dad's voice in the background, he sounds just as on edge as Petunia, if not more._

_"Yes" I hear Petunia reply_

_I hear my dad's heavy breathing down the phone, and then he speaks "Lily, I'm sorry I didn't pick you up, your mum… she's really sick" more heavy breathing "Do you think you could get the bus or a taxi home? You know if I could come I would but-"_

_"No it's fine" I say "I'll get a taxi"_

_"Thanks" he says quickly and the phone goes dead._

_I walk back into the pouring rain, if it's possible it's got worse. I call a taxi over and after putting my trunk in the boot slip into the back of the seat. The air is warm and the taxi driver smells of cigarette smoke. _

_He was nice and I felt sorry he'd been lumped with me as a passenger. I'm not all that good at conversing with strangers in the best of times but at that moment I just wanted to get home as soon as possible. He eventually got the hint I didn't want to talk after a huge amount of monosyllabic replies. We sat in silence the rest of the drive._

_In a way I wished he'd have tried to talk to me. It would have been a good distraction. _

_She must be really bad if my dad refuses to leave her. I wish he'd have told me what was wrong with her, or I wish I'd have asked. That would have at least settled the terrible thoughts swimming frantically around in my head._

_Was she dying?_

_Would she be dead by the time I got there?_

_Why hadn't she been taken to the hospital already?_

_What if the hospital have cut off her medicine and just decided to let her die? _

_He talked a bit about it in letters but not enough to keep me at ease. There's a girl at school whose mum had cancer and she survived; that gave me the tiniest bit of hope. Especially when she said no one thought she would make it. I have kind of clung onto the idea that if she could make it, there is a chance my mum could make it._

_I play my distraction game, it's hard though as it's raining and the windows are covered with condensation, I wipe it away but it keeps coming back. A bit like my mums disease. _

_She was diagnosed a while back and the cancer went away, or at least they said it did, she wasn't the same though, she was weaker and had to go back for regular check-ups, I was away at school when I found the cancer had come back. I also received hundreds of pamphlets from my dad that explained all about her cancer. By the time I'd read them all I think I knew more about breast cancer than the doctor, well probably not, but it sure felt like it._

_I thank the taxi driver and he kindly takes my trunk from the boot of his car, he speeds away leaving me stood outside our gate in the pouring rain. My fingers are cold and it hurts when I knock on the door. Petunia answers, I half expect her to slam the door in my face, the last time I visited it ended with an almighty row between the two of us._

_She pulls my trunk from my hand and I follow her into our house. She places it down and her arms lock around her waist. I remove my jacket and hang it on the banister. "Where's mum?" I ask warily_

_"An ambulance came about 20 minutes ago and took her to the hospital" _

_I gulp, "Oh… what was-"_

_"I don't know" she tried to shout but her voice cracks and it comes out as sort of a whimper "I mean… dad wouldn't tell me… he said he'd be back in the morning and to wait here with you… then they left in the ambulance" She says and wipes away a tear before it has time to escape her eye._

_I follow her into the living room, she sits down on the sofa and another tear creeps down her pale cheek "I've not been in yet" she says her voice stronger_

_"In where?" _

_"In her room" she says "I'm scared. I think she was being sick" _

_"I'm going to go and check" I say and get up_

_"Okay" she says but avoids eye contact with me _

* * *

_I walk slowly up the stairs waiting for them to creek under my weight. Even though the house is warm my hands are freezing cold and I shiver as I walk along the landing into my parent's room. _

_It looks as though it's been ran sacked, there are clothes strewn all over the place and as I move further the smell of blood grows stronger. I edge my way into the bathroom and push the door open a fraction scared of what I might find. There are several buckets filled with the blood my mums churned up, there are also tissues dyed completely red with blood from her nosebleeds overflowing from the bin under the sink. _

_I imagine my mum crouched on the floor coughing up her insides, I think of my dad sat behind her holding her hair back trying to put on a brave front. I bury the thought underneath my others and sprint back down the stairs and another thought bobs up, I try hard to make it sink but it keeps coming back _Petunia had to listen to this, my dad had to watch it, my mum had to experience it._ The thought runs around my head cackling at my dreadful attempt to get rid of it._

_Petunia looks a mess, her hair sticks up at all angles as if she's been trying to pull it out and her tear stained face is masked by mascara that has run. I nod at her and she hugs me. She cry's into my shoulder and if my legs weren't completely frozen I would have got her some tissues but they felt glued to the seat._

_I know I hate my sister and she hates me but I couldn't help feeling incredibly sorry for her. She had to sit there and listen to it all alone. I should have been here with her, I really should have. She needed me here all those times as she did now. That's what sisters were for right? To be there for each other?_

_I drove to the Hospital, which is very difficult when you're trying to comfort your sister and keep yourself from crying. _

_When we got to the hospital they told us we couldn't see her yet, they wouldn't tell us why though. So we slept on the plastic chairs in the waiting room. Or rather Petunia slept, I lay there tossing and turning, jolting upright every time a nurse came by. Every time I'd hoped they had come to say '_You're mum is all better, her cancer has gone away and you no longer have to worry, she's packing up her things and will be right out in a second. Then you can go home and it will be as if nothing has ever happened_.' Unfortunately they never said this. _

* * *

_I thought about how I'd like to die, would I want to die doing something crazy like skydiving? No, they wouldn't be able to find my body and to leave everybody without saying goodbye would be an awful way to go._

_I came to the conclusion I want to die sitting in a rocking chair on my porch on a hot summers day, I want to fall asleep holding my husband's hand, a wrinkled old woman who never woke up._

_Seeing my mum was kind of a blur. _

_I remember her lying in the hospital bed reading. She looked beautiful, unconventionally beautiful. I know exactly why my dad fell for her. She had ginger hair just like mine when she was my age which was not greying; her eyes were a serene blue that always reminded me of the ocean. _

_She was tall and slim and everyone loved her. They loved her because she was the type of person who would bake cookies every Sunday and pass them round at church, or the type of woman who would volunteer to help re-plant the trees in the park on a freezing cold winter's day._

_"Mum" I manage to croak out, my throat was dry because despite everyone's constant offers, I had refused to drink or eat anything. This was partly because I thought if I did I'd end up puking it back up and partly because I just wasn't hungry._

_"Hi girls" was what she said, she sounded weak and had to use the control panel to sit the bed up._

_Petunia cried, she cried a lot. My mum tried to convince us and herself that everything was going to be fine and the doctors were doing all they were doing. Well clearly they didn't do enough. _

_I remember writing to my dad, I wrote 12 letters asking how everything was, if mum was getting any better before I got one back. After about the 7th letter I don't know why I wrote any more, it was pretty obvious what had happened. I prayed they were keeping me in the dark for a good reason._

_When the letter finally arrived it was brief, very brief. I sort of had a break down not a real one but I went into shock. After that I cried, for days. Maysie told me when someone dies there are stages you go through. _

_First you go through denial; you refuse to believe that that person has passed._

_The next stage is anger; you're angry with everyone and everything for no apparent reason. You could just be walking down the street and punch someone in the face._

_Bargaining comes next; you tell yourself you're going to do all these things_

_Depression. This is the one I feared most._

_Acceptance. _

_I didn't exactly go in this order; I think it was partly because she told me what was going to happen._

_I didn't deny it, I knew it had happened. I suppose you could say the denial was when I refused to stop writing letters even though I knew deep down. Maysie said the reason I probably skipped denial was because it'd taken my mum a while to die. It wasn't instant and out of the blue._

_Anger, I skipped this stage; I skipped the next one to and just went into depression. _

_I don't know what other people's experiences are like with depression but mine was terrible. _

_I stayed hidden under my covers for days. I didn't want to talk to anyone, look at anyone. I needed a release. I heard of cutting but Maysie was a smart girl and kept all knives away from me. Instead she brought me soup, lots of soup. There was no way I could cut myself with a plastic spoon. I thought about sneaking down to the kitchen for a knife but I wasn't sure my legs would carry me, and as I had skipped anger I wasn't sure if the sight of someone apart from Maysie would set me off on an almighty hexing rampage._

_Depression lasted a long time. Too long, it got to the point where Maysie said if I didn't get out of bed and stop skipping class she would tell Dumbledore I wasn't really sick and that I needed help. She tried to talk me into going to support groups but I wasn't having any of it, because I didn't need help. I needed my mother back._

_I eventually plucked up enough energy to be able to get out of bed and force a smile. I went to class, it didn't help. I used to sit in the back of the classrooms hidden behind a textbook in case I burst out crying. I did, on many occasions. Not like major crying though just little sobs, no one ever saw though because I made sure to smile when they saw me. Just pretend like everything's okay and no one will bother you. _

_It happened in potions lesson. I was in an awful state after receiving a letter from my dad at home, he said he was much better and was starting to plan the funeral. He was much better? How could he be much better, she'd only been dead a few weeks and he was much better? _

_I went to potions thinking if I could survive that maybe I would be able to get away with skipping Herbology and going back to bed. I tried to make my potion but it after numerous tears had fallen in it began to turn a funny colour so I gave up. I could hear the whispering around me "Why is Lily crying?" _

_"Should we ask her if she's okay?" _

_"No, if she wants to be helped she'll ask for help" _

_I don't remember anyone ever offering to help me except for Maysie. After about a month though she gave up as I refused every time. _

_I guess I was hard to be around. She spent as much time as possible with me and I almost had to force her on a date with Sirius, she went… eventually and left me with a baby sitter. She didn't tell me he was my baby sitter though. _

_I reckon it was Sirius's idea, so that Maysie wasn't completely on edge the entire night, constantly making bathroom excuses to come and check on me. Any way James sat on the table across from me, looking up every now and then. It was rather distracting actually._

_"Lily" Slughorn said coming over to my workstation. He stared down at my potion which had gone a funny yellow colour. I wasn't all that sure what we were supposed to be making anyway but I knew it wasn't the concoction I had brewed "You know I'm always here if you need to talk" he said._

_I don't know whether it was his general kind offer or the fact that it resembled something my mother would do. Or maybe it was because of my mother's funeral plans but I burst into tears. _

_Slughorn asked me if I wanted to step outside for a moment to sort myself out, again another kind gesture that resembled something my mother would do._

_How I managed to get to my feet is beyond me, but as soon as I did my legs gave way and I collapsed onto the floor. I vaguely remember knocking my potion onto Slughorn as well._

_The next thing I knew I was lying in the infirmary. Maysie gave me a play by play of what happened after I collapsed, not the best story I've ever heard. Apparently there were some Slytherins laughing at me but she soon shut them up with a leg lock curse._

_It got better after the funeral, seeing my dad happy helped (well as happy as you can be when your wife has just died of a horrific disease.)_

* * *

_a/n: So I survived the week! I am _extremely _nervous about this chapter as I am not at all used to writing about attacks and what have you, so please leave your comments, I really don't mind if you tell me I suck either because then I will know I need to improve a lot next time. Also I know I said that you wouldn't have to wait to long for this because I had already written it but I ended up deleting it as I wasn't happy with it, which is why I am extremely nervous about this one._

_Emily_

_P.s: Do you ever get writers block? Not writers block as in writers block, but writers block as in HOLY SHIT I CAN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING and end up staring at a blank page for about 10 minutes? Yeh._


	7. Chapter 7: Sirius's house

Personally I think 3 AM is a great hour for thinking.

Nobody to interrupt you, nothing to distract you. You're left alone with your thoughts. Mind you, a lot of the times these thoughts aren't the most optimistic or stable. I find myself thinking about things I don't usually tell people.

So here I am, in a place I never thought I'd be, sipping coffee in a spotty mug at Sirius Black's kitchen table, trying to fathom my thoughts into something that makes sense. But all I keep thinking is 'Damn Sirius has good coffee.' I don't know whether it's just the fact I need the warmth and homely feel of coffee or the fact that this coffee is the best coffee I've had in a long time but all I can think is coffee coffee coffee. Every sip fills me from head to toe with this weird evangelical feel, I like it though.

I trace my finger around the edge of the mug and concentrate as the steam floats out making my face feel warm and damp, and making my nose run so I have to sniff and wipe it with the back of my hand.

It's come to my attention –whilst being sat here- that

1. We mustn't be in Mexico anymore – when we made the switch into the magical world I'm not quite sure.

2. Sirius must live alone, I'd heard he didn't get along with his family all that much because they were Slitherins and he was a Gryffindor but I never thought they'd you know not even live together- and I thought Petunia hated me.

The kitchen has dark brown cabinets with two double doors. These cabinets are filled with dishes, cups and bowls, on one side and spices along with a box of assorted celestial season's tea and two boxes of assorted individual packs of muesli on the other. To the right, below the cabinet doors is the sink, when I first got here there were a load of dirty dishes in the sink just begging to be washed. The sink is surrounded by a forlorn stove to the left and a dish rack to the right.

The fridge is white and on the front pinned up by a multitude of colourful magnets are pictures of things he loves, Maysie and her beaming smile right before we left for the summer, extracts of scores from quiditch magazines and little reminders (Maysie's handwriting) like buy more owl food and fix kettle – but mostly pictures of Maysie.

3. The prospect of coffee and chocolate digestives really is something one should take the time to think about, I never knew of food and drink that had the ability to make you feel better, but coffee and digestives are practically the definition of happiness.

"Lily?" Crap. It's James, can't a girl get 3 hours to experience the delectability of coffee and chocolate digestives in peace "Why are you still up?" he asks and slips into the seat next to me. I swear if he hadn't been through the same night as me and was probably in need of a bit of luxury and delight I would have slapped that digestive right out of his hands. But no I let him eat it, and another and another and, okay I'm a generous person but I have let him have 3 digestive biscuits and if I don't stop him now then I'm afraid I will be seeing the empty packet in the bin very shortly.

James lets out an uncomfortable cough "You were –er really brave last –er night"

"Thanks, so were you" I don't know what it was about James's unforeseen kindness (knowing him I half expected him to come in here and shout at me for driving down the wrong road, or taking too long to pick the oranges and claiming that was the reason we got caught by them) but something made me break. So I cried, a lot. Actually a bit more than a lot.

Again James's reaction was not what I expected. He was obviously surprised at my tears and a bit uncertain of what to do with me; I doubt he'd ever been in this situation before. I knew he was confused as to what to make of the capricious, crying girl sat next to him—not that I can blame him I'd be a bit wary to, I mean I was fine when he walked in, just casually sitting sipping at my coffee and nibbling on digestives, I'd probably be confused as hell to- but that confusion didn't really last all that long, as a few seconds later, I felt his arms wrap hesitantly around me.

My guess is he was trying to be the big, strong hero coming to comfort the damsel (hardly a damsel) in distress, but it just made me more upset. Couldn't he just forget about all that! Life was a hell of a lot easier when we were at Hogwarts and he hated me and I hated him and we were happy to only cross paths when it came to Maysie and Sirius.

"Go away" I cried into him, although he only tightened his grip on me.

"Lily" he spoke softly, he obviously didn't think that holding his ex-enemy in a sort of awkward bear hug type position was in the least bit inappropriate. I on the other hand was confused and snotty and yes still crying.

"I don't want to talk about it James" I said but it came out muffled as my face was buried into the soft cotton of his top. He pulled me closer so I was sat across his lap and started to stroke me hair. Something my mother used to do when I was sad. My mind screamed THIS IS INAPPROPROITE, GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE HE DOES SOMETHING JAMES LIKE AND YOU REGRET EVER BEING BORN, but even though I tried, I was unable to wriggle out. At my inane attempt to get away he only tightened his grip on me so I was beginning to have breathing difficulties.

Did I really just say that? I'm having James Potter related breathing difficulties. Oh Merlin, I think I need rehab or something.

"Why are you here James?" I asked

"I though you didn't want to talk about it?"

"I don't mean here, I mean here here!" I shouted a little annoyed he hadn't caught onto what I was saying straight away. I know the boy was slow but really how hard is it?

"Isn't it obvious" he stifled a little laugh, really James? This isn't the time.

"Why are being so nice to me?" I ask as rudely was possible in my state. I know I was being a horrible brat but what did he really expect from me?

"What do you mean?" Ugh I wanted to slam his stupid head against the wall, but I don't think he could function if he lost any more brain cells.

"I MEAN WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO ME? AND NOT JUST NOW! You hate me!" I shout and pull away; I detect a hurt look in his eyes and almost feel sorry for him, almost.

"I don't _hate_ you" he says calmly. HA.

"James I'm not an idiot, it's hardly a secret, from day one all you've done is try to embarrass me, if that doesn't say hate then I don't know what does" He shakes his head and takes my mug of half-drunk coffee to the sink. I actually wasn't quite finished but I think he needed an escape route and I wasn't going to deny him of that.

"It kind of does look like that I guess" for a minute I think he actually sounds ashamed.

"Well why do you hate me, I mean what could I have possibly done to make you hate me?" I scoff.

"You just… It's just… it doesn't matter, you wouldn't believe me even if I told you" he sighs. Right, does he really think he's going to get off that easily? I shoot him a look that could have made plants wither.

"Try me" I say

"You really need a new sofa" I say falling into Sirius's sofa, it's more than a bit damaged and if my calculations are correct only about 30 per cent red fox leather. The rest is patches of duct tape or nothing at all.

"Yeh, well why don't you give me the £400 to buy a new freaking couch" he says and bites off a piece of duct tape.

I give a sarcastic smile but he doesn't seem to notice, James does, and I catch him smirking.

It has occurred to me, whilst being here that Sirius must devote an abundant amount of his free time to _not_ cleaning, or making his house messier. Seriously I think if my sister walked in here she'd have a heart attack. I wouldn't call myself a slob… but let's face it I'm a slob and even I feel the need to cast a few cleaning spells. Me! It's not even like it takes much effort to clean up, it's just a quick flick of the wrist, if he was muggle then maybe I'd understand his serious malicious approach to cleaning BUT HE'S NOT.

Telling Sirius was of course depressing as hell, not to mention it took nearly 3 hours but after his 12th interruption I threatened to gag, that shut him up… for about 10 minutes when he started to interrupt again.

James didn't talk much, nodding and filling in gaps where it was necessary.

It started to get rather annoying after a while and I began to get sick of my own voice. So I made the ending brief, I included all the essential info –not including mine and James's midnight chat, I didn't feel that was a critical factor in the attack- and once finished turned on the tv.

Another thing that occurred to me is that Sirius mustn't be all that good with muggle equipment as he had shitty channels, the only half decent thing I could find to watch was a horror movie which apparently Sirius has seen before and couldn't resist telling me what horrific thing was about to happen seconds before it actually did. So I told him I was going to take a shower and went upstairs.

"The hot water only lasts 10 minutes" Sirius shouted as I was half way up the stairs.

"Fan-bloody-tastic" I muttered to myself, well at least I thought It was to myself, little did I know James had taken the opportunity to join me on the stairs and now lingered only a few feet behind me.

"Can we talk?" he asks. I don't want to but I nod my head anyways and he steps past me leading the way up the stairs.

"Sooo, what do you want to talk about?" I ask once we enter Sirius's room, or what I think is Sirius's room.

This is how the conversation went

James: "I don't want you to tell anyone about what happened"

Me: "WHAT"

James: "If we tell people word will get out and everyone will go ballistic-"

Me: "Good"

James: "No, you don't understand, Lily you won't be left alone, there will be reporters everywhere"

Me: "But those guys will get locked up!"

James: "Not necessarily"

Me: "What do you mean 'not necessarily'?"

James: "I mean they'll have to be found first, that is if they're still alive and the ministry might not believe us, as neither of us are seriously injured they probably won't see these guys as a threat. We didn't actually see the dark mark or anything so they might not have been working for you-know-who. Then there's the matter of actually capturing them and putting them on trial which will take weeks, moths even. Also they might not be found guilty, do you really think you-know-who is that stupid?"

I didn't know what to respond, by the time James's words had sunk in and I realised he was actually right it seemed too late to carry on the conversation.

A brief awkward silence ensued before James said "I thought you were going to take a shower"

"I was – I am" I say "Where are the towels?"

James shrugs

"Helpful"

"Why don't you just transfigure one?" he asks

"I… uh… can't" I say sheepishly and feel myself blushing.

Oh yeh, there's another thing I forgot to mention. I suck at transfiguration. It is possibly the most irritating thing in the world. I can do every other subject perfectly well but when it comes to transfiguration… I am a hopeless failure and I don't even know why Mcgonagall bothers with me, if I were her I would have kicked me out from the very beginning. I mean if it isn't clear to her now that I am a complete and utter failure, almost an embarrassment to the student body. I don't know maybe she keeps me in for a laugh, I can just imagine the woman sat at her desk reading through my essays and laughing at their futileness and thinking, _you know what I'll mark it as a pass and tell her she needs to study more, that way she'll be kept in the class and I can still have a good old chuckle as her idiocy._ It's really quite mean when you think about it.

"You can't what?"

Is he really going to make me have to say it? Haven't I suffered enough? I don't need this humiliation.

"I am a transfiguration failure, I can't transfigure anything into a towel" there I said it.

"You what?"

"You heard me and I'm not repeating it"

"I thought you were… you know… perfect?"

"What!" I spring up. Oh Merlin. Perfect? Was he actually kidding me? Perfect? He thought I was PERFECT? Wow. I never thought I'd see this day. Ever.

"What do you mean what?" he asks, looking calm and collected. Ha, how can he be calm and collected, if I was him I'd be running around like a headless chicken trying to find my wand and remember memory erasing charms. It's kind of ironic when you think about it 'remember erasing memory charms.' But James didn't seem the slightest bit fazed.

"What do you mean I'm perfect" I almost shout

"Yeh"

"Oh you need a serious wakeup call if you think my life is perfect"

"Well what's wrong with it?"

"Everything! It's a mess"

"It's not a mess Lily" he says and puts a comforting hand on my arm. I shrug him off and take a step away; it doesn't work because he closes the gap.

"Ha. Let's just start with the fact my mother is… oh yeh fucking dead, and then when she died, I was depressed. Well I don't like to say I was depressed but let's face it, I was. I am failing transfiguration and the only reason McGonagall keeps me in the class is so she can laugh at all my hopelessness. My sister hates me and thinks I'm some kind of alien freak who should be experimented on. My dad is oblivious to anything that is going on, so I've practically had to take care of myself ever since my mum died. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, it's easy for you, for every one, you all know about this magic stuff. I haven't a clue how to do anything. I'm muggle born which means half the school hates me, so I have to try twice as hard as everyone to even be accepted in that school. And to top it off for the past however many years, I've had a boy and his idiot friends torment me, making my life 12 times harder."

It's a relief to get it off my chest really, like really good. Apart from Maysie I never really told anyone any of this stuff. It's not something I like to talk about but something made me do it and I don't regret it. That is until I see the look on James's face.

"I-I had no idea"

"I kind of grasped that" I say, angry now.

"What do you mean you were depressed?"

Oh hell, I really did not want to go into detail.

"I wasn't depressed as such, I was just a bit down and didn't want to get out of bed and spent an abundant amount of time crying and thinking about my dead mother. But that's normal I guess" I pray that's enough and he'll let it go. But this is James we're talking about, nothing with him is ever enough.

"Lily you were depressed"

"I was not"

"You said you were"

"I didn't mean it, I just meant-"

"That you were depressed"

"Stop saying that"

"But-"

"Stop"

I feel a tear trickle softly down my face and turn to the wall before he can see. I'm too late. I feel his hands on my shoulders, warm and strong "I'm sorry" His mouth is so close to my ear I can feel his soft breath on my skin.

I shrug and his hands move with my shoulders "It's not your fault" He gently turns me round so I'm practically pinned up against the wall. I look up at him he's staring down at me; he brings his hands up to cradle my face, his thumbs softly gliding across my cheeks. I think I may have forgotten how to breathe.

His mouth is exceedingly close to mine and I wonder how he is managing to breathe right now. I have to kiss him- no I want to kiss him- no I can't kiss him. He inches his face closer to mine and his eyes keep darting from mine to my lips. If I could I would stop him but I don't. I should stop him, because now I am extremely aware that James Potter's pink, soft, comforting lips are pressed against mine. It was just a soft kiss, a small one; it barely even qualifies as a kiss.

He pulls away to look at me, to check what he did was okay, it was okay. It was totally okay, it was 100 per cent okay. My lips feel empty now, like there's something missing, another pair of lips. I take a step forward and press my lips to James's, this time he kisses me harder and I feel myself wanting to kiss him harder, waiting to get so close that I disappear into him.

We push away from the wall and James's hands shift down to my waist. His hands are strong and his fingers curl around my waist line as my top rides up the slightest bit.

My hands cling to the back of his neck, fingers finding their way through his hair. I lose all sense completely, it's only when James's pulls away and I begin to breathe heavily, so does James, but he takes manlier, deeper breaths, unlike my short, huffy ones.

"Shit"

"Lily what's wrong?" he asks as I turn away from him. I walk over to the window and wrap my fingers around the ledge. I feel his hand back on my shoulder, it's more hesitant this time, as if he thinks I will hit it away and leave if he makes any sudden movements.

It suddenly occurs to me what just happened. I mean I knew what was going on before, I just wasn't thinking… about it. I feel a tear stream down my face, oh no, not here, not now, not in front of James. I try to hold my breath and fight back the tears, the more I try the more flow, and I have to refrain from lifting my arm to wipe them away; that's a definite giveaway.

Ugh, I haven't cried in ages and now within the space of a week and a bit, I'm balling my eyes out!

I want to leave, I want to go back to my house and curl up in bed with a book and mull over what happened calmly and rationally, then try to salvage mine and James's relationship, or what's left of it.

"Just leave me alone for a second" I say

"Leave you alone?"

"Yeh"

"Were you not just there?" I don't reply, but he doesn't seem to mind and carry's on talking "Lily we just kissed"

"Exactly" I shout and turn to face him

"So?"

"So we can't kiss" I shout louder this time and he rubs his forehead in confusion.

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?"

"I don't know, I thought it was good, was it not good for you?"

Is he really questioning his kissing skills?

"It was fine… but it shouldn't have been fine"

"Why not?"

"Because it's you! We… we hate each other; you don't go from hating to kissing in a week James. It doesn't happen like that!" Oh Merlin I just went from hating, to kissing him in a week. What kind of a slag am I?

"Why?" he stands straight, just looking at me. That's it, there was no emotion there. I think emotion would have made it easier. If he was hurt I could change my tone to be more comforting and patient or if he was angry I could have been angry to, but he wasn't giving me any hints.

I let out an exasperated sigh "I have to leave" I say to him and make my way for the door, he grabs my arm just in time though.

"Where are you going to go?" he asks this time his grip is tighter on my arm.

"Home" I say and push the door open. Sirius is stood on the other side.

"Alright Lily" I wipe away the tears as quickly as I can and look down at the floor trying to cover my face with my hair.

"I'm fine" I say and push past him.

I hear someone say shit behind me and guess its James.

"Lily" he sounds frustrated, and hurt. Like I stabbed him right in the heart and pulled out the knife. I was vulnerable and an idiot. I don't know why I kissed him, I shouldn't have done, but he's never going to let that go. Ever, because he's James.

"Go away James" I shout and open the front door. I'm hit by a wave of cold air and it engulfs me sending an almighty shiver down my spine. I don't care though; I have to get away from James. With a slight hesitation I step out the door and slam it closed after me.

_a/n: Okay I give you permission to shoot me, I haven't updated in agessss and I feel really bad. At least it's here now, kind of an odd night to be posting but oh well. I hope you like the fact there was a bit of kissing in this chapter, although there won't be much more for a while. I don't really like those stories where by the fifth chapter Lily is all like 'Oh he's changed, he's a wonderful human being and I am completely in looovvveeee with him,' but you guys might. So sorry if that offended anyone's taste in fan fictions._

_Emily_


	8. Chapter 8: Suprise visitor

It's two days since I've seen James, he stayed at Sirius's and I went home.

Dealing with my dad was pretty hard; I told him I couldn't tell him where I was but that I needed him to trust me. You can imagine how that went down. After 2 and a half hours of assuring him I was okay and that when the time was right I would tell him where I'd been, but that at the moment to time was not right. He eventually agreed (after sending me to do the grocery shopping – he's not used to giving punishments) but also said that if I ever pull a stunt like that again I'd be grounded for life.

Most of the time I've been awake has been spent either thinking of James or lying awake in bed scared stiff that the death eaters are going to come and kill me and my family, I managed to put up some protective charms around the house to keep us safe, but it wasn't enough for me to be able to sleep in peace.

But no matter how hard I try, I can't get the kiss out of my head. I seem to be spending an abundant amount of time devoted to trying to forget about it, but by doing this I only think about it more, which makes me try to forget it, it's a never ending cycle.

The thing that gets to me the most is that I actually liked it, being kissed by James I mean.

I liked it.

Oh Merlin I think I've lost my mind.

I liked it when the idiot kissed me.

I liked it.

I mean obviously I liked it or else I wouldn't have kissed him back, I would've stopped it, which I did… eventually.

The whole thing was ridiculous really, I mean he was my friend, my mate, mates don't kiss each other, have you ever seen Maysie snog me? I don't think so.

But let's be perfectly honest here, James was a good kisser and I liked him, or it, I liked being kissed by him. I mean I'd heard all sorts of things about him, he was famous for his sensational snogging skills (which I can now clarify are sensational). So why shouldn't I have liked it?

Because it was James that's why, it was James and yet I did like it.

But I shouldn't like it; it was James for Merlin's sake. The guy was a prat; well I say he was a prat. He used to be a prat, he used to be a complete utter fuck head, and I mean Maysie had been trying to convince me for ages he wasn't a prat and if I got to know him blah blah blah. But I never did get to know him, because he was a prat and I hated him. But maybe he wasn't such a prat.

But prat or not, he still shouldn't have kissed me. Because that's not what mates do. But then again mates don't like it when their mates kiss them, and while I'd been trying to pin the blame on James, maybe I was to blame. I mean I hadn't stopped it when I really ought to have done.

I withdraw the feeling from my mind and sit on the edge of the bed, face in palms, taking long breathes of air, until the thoughts about James subside. What's wrong with me?

After taking a shower I slip into a pair of –what a surprise- denim shorts and a greenish V-neck t-shirt.

I go downstairs and sit down in the chair by the window. I try to think of something cheerful, but it's no use. I feel so lonesome and don't know what to do really. I really had enjoyed James's company; I mean why wouldn't I have? People always went on about how brilliant and kind he really was and they didn't get why I hated him so much, I just figured they were delusional or something because all I saw him as was a narcissistic idiot. Why the hell did he go and ruin it.

It was perfectly fine; we were getting a long great. I liked being his friend. I really did and he ruined that. I never asked for him to kiss me, I didn't want that. I didn't even want to be the bastard's friend in the first place. I'm such an idiot. When he showed up here I should have laughed in his face and told him to get lost. This would have never happened, I'd put up with him a long time at Hogwarts, this summer wasn't going to be any different. I was an idiot for thinking he had changed, he hadn't. So there was no point in trying to convince myself he had.

The whole day stretched before me, my dad had gone out to lunch with Mr and Mrs Potter and Merlin knows where Petunia is, so I was alone. It wasn't a lonely alone though, it was a peaceful alone. The sun streamed in through the window, the warm, morning light illuminating me.

I was bored. I missed James. Going to talk to him was not going to happen though so I pushed the thought into a small corner at the back of my mind.

* * *

Much to my surprise I had a very special visitor only an hour and a half later. It was Maysie. She was at my front door, and before I even had time to ask her what the ruddy hell she was doing here, she was in my house.

The first thing she said to me was "For the love of God Lily, look a little more happy to see me" Look a little happier to see her, was she joking? She'd turned up at my house, with no warning, no nothing, and she didn't expect the look of utter astonishment that was so thickly plastered on my face.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked her as she plunged onto the sofa, resting her feet on the polished coffee table.

"Oh no no no, you're not getting out that easily" she said wagging a disapproving finger in my direction.

"What?" I said sitting across from her "Getting out of what?"

"Oh c'mon Lily, Sirius told me all about you and James. When exactly were you planning on telling me about you and a certain Potter next door? Not that I wasn't completely surprised, I mean James is exceptionally charming and I have no doubt he looks fab without a shirt, although I thought you were all about 'personality before looks' crap" She was amused, then once she realised what she'd just said, tried to change the subject, honestly it was like someone had shoved a poker up her bum. "Well this place is delightful, you made it out to be like hell you know, I half expected Satan to greet me at the door."

"Wait, what?"

"You said this place was awful and you were dreading coming back here-"

"No, the thing about James"

"James, oh for the love of all that is good and sane. Lily, what happened to calling him Potter?" she sounded truly distraught, but she was still trying to avoid the subject.

"No. You first, how did you know?"

"Sirius told me" she shrugs; I guessed she was hoping that was enough information.

"He what! How did Sirius even know, unless – that fuckhead, he had no right, No right to tell Sirius-"

"Why not, his lips were involved just as much as yours" she says, I shoot her a sour look and she knows to shut up.

"He, he, I hate him" I shout.

She thought about it "I thought you were snogging him?"

"No."

Suddenly interested (well she was interested before, but her eyes did twinkle with a kind of excitment at the fact I had entered girl world and was becoming an object of entertainement) she leant forwards and rested her elbows on her knees "So you didn't snog him?"

"No, I did"

"So you are snogging him?"

I set my jaw and held the sour look "I am not snogging him, it was a onetime thing, I was weak and just, I don't know, but it's not going to happen again."

"Really, because when I spoke to James, he seemed pretty set that it was going to be happening again."

"WHAT!" I practically dive on her, but land in an inappropriate position next to/on top od her, she pushes me away, so I'm sat at a comfortable distance.

"Yeh… he said that-"

"What, what did he say?" I honestly sounded –and looked- like an over excited puppy dog, the way I was bobbing up and down.

She chuckles under her breath before speaking "He said… that you snogged –obviously- but he didn't sound anything like you did, in fact he sounded happy about it, then he left and Sirius said James was happy about it, and that since it happened he hadn't shut up about you."

"What, that such a stupid, ridiculous, never going to happen, EVER"

"But it did happen" she points out. She smiles knowingly, the kind of smile that gets people murdered.

"Well it's not going to happen again" I say

"Right" she says, but something in her tone made me think she was lying.

* * *

Maysie insisted on making pancakes, so we made pancakes, just in time for Petunia and Vernon to come home, Maysie got a good old laugh at Vernon, much to Petunia's annoyance. Anyway they refused to eat anything that we'd made and went out for dinner, somewhere where the food had been specially prepared blah blah blah. Well screw them, the pancakes were delicious!

Maysie was perplexed by our muggle computer and absolutely in love with the idea that you could send a message without having to tie it to an owl and said message could be delivered within minutes of you writing it.

"Who are you emailing?" I asked her sticking my head round the door. She was clattering away at the ancient thing, which lived in the cupboard at the top of the hall on a hostess trolley. She had wheeled it into my room, you had to open the doors and sit on a low stool of some sort –she had transfigured my bed into one I noticed- with your knees in the hot shelves.

"Some person called Aunt Clara" she said laughing

"What's so funny?"

"She's replying, I think she thinks I'm you"

"And why would she think that?"

"Because I kind of told her I am you"

"Why"

"Because I could hardly tell her, I'm your magical best friend who's hijacked your machine and is so intrigued with this messaging service I'm sending messages willy nilly to a bunch of your family that I don't know, she'd think there was something wrong with me"

"Of course you couldn't" I reply sarcastically but she's do busy trying to figure out how you press enter to notice I even spoke.

* * *

"Um Lil… I need to tell you something, I've been wanting to tell you since I got here but there was all that drama with James and then I was talking to your aunt so I kind of forgot" she says picking at her purple sparkly nails.

"Shoot"

"Sirius told me he loves me!" she exclaims.

"He WHAT" I shout, I don't believe it. Sirius Black, the same Sirius Black who refused to kiss Maysie in the great hall for 2 months because he was embarrassed and hated PDA had said 'I love you'? Oh sweet Jesus, I never thought I'd see this day coming. Not that Sirius wouldn't have said it, I mean it was obvious he loved her and all but I thought Maysie would have said it first. Not because she loves him more, it's just… don't get me wrong Sirius has balls- I didn't mean for it to sound like that, what I mean is… Maysie just… wears her heart on her sleeve a bit more that's all. Sirius… he… I didn't really see him as the type to be in a long term relationship, before Maysie the longest he'd been in was a few weeks.

So obviously I had some doubts about them when they first started to date, but then after a few months I kind of forgot about Sirius's long term relationship problem and let them get on with it. But then again Sirius is hardly the most predictable of sorts.

"So how did it happen?" I press.

"We were… you know, we were watching some crappy horror movie and I went to get more popcorn, then I came back and we agreed the movie was pure and utter trash, so we entertained ourselves a different way, snogging I mean, and then he pulled away and said it."

"Oh Merlin May, your best friend is dying of boredom and you were withholding extremely vital information!" I say "You call yourself a girl" she smiles but doesn't look all that pleased "What? What did you do?" I say as her expression grows more and more regretful.

"You can't blame me, I was so shocked, and it's not that I don't love him back. Of course I do, I mean he should know that-"

"What did you do" I dead pan.

"I said oh… and then thanks"

"Maysie you utter moron" I hit her with one of the cushions "You said thanks, what the RUDDY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" I say between hits.

"Let me finish, Merlin, what's with all the violence? I said I love you back to him… but by the time I'd found the words it was too late and he thought I was just saying it, so then we got into this big fight and he said he knew he shouldn't have said anything and that it was too early and then I left and went home, and cried, and finished watching the crap horror movie. Then I went out for ice cream and came here" she says fingering the lace on the cushions.

"You have to go and talk to him; tell him you do love him."

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"I am your best friend; I think I know what's best for you."

"Best friend or not, you are hardly in the position to give relationship advice, your hiding in your house so you don't have to face James."

She had a valid point, but there was no way I was going to admit to that. I had a little dignity.

I set my jaw and held her look "I am not hiding from him."

"Fine."

* * *

When I finally made it downstairs, Maysie was eating a huge stack of waffles, clutching a copy of the muggle newspaper my dad likes to read.

"Morning" I said coming up behind her, she jumped 12 inches in the air and nearly fell off her chair.

With her hand pressed to her chest she says "Bloody fucking hell Lily, are you trying to kill me?"

"I wasn't trying to kill you" I say getting an apple for myself "Terrify you to your very soul maybe, but good gracious never kill you." She rolled the newspaper into a tight scroll and with a loud clapping sound, swiftly swung upside my poor head.

"Hey" I cried rubbing my head

She let out a snort and then laughed absently unrolling the newspaper before taking a gulp of coffee.

"Pass me a waffle" I said before slipping into the seat next to her. She reluctantly forked a waffle onto my plate and grumbled something incoherent.

* * *

"What are you doing in there" I'd been locked out of my own room, apparently Maysie had a brilliant idea so fantastic I was not allowed to see what it was until it was complete. Although I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the computer because all I could hear from outside were tapping keys and the occasional chuckle from her.

"Sssshhh go away, I'm not finished" she called, I think she threw something at the door as well because there was a loud bang and the door vibrated ever so slightly.

"Maysie-"

"Away."

* * *

Maysie has always had a tendency to overdramatize, I'm not kidding. She claims it's because she had a childhood so dismal she had developed a penchant for flair. I happen to find this highly unbelievable as she came from a family of magical folk (although they were pretty boring), if anything I should be the one who created some kind of debilitating need to make everything seem ten times more exciting than it really was coming from a muggle family and all, but that's just not the way the universe works.

"I've finished" she said gleefully, she was clutching a piece of paper.

"We don't have a printer" I said glancing from Maysie's excitable face to the paper.

She sighed "Well I am a witch"

"Fair point, so what did you finish?"

Taking a seat next to me she said proudly "I wrote a skit thingy, you know like one of those crappy crime show things."

I was shocked Maysie had always claimed to be crummy at anything that involved her being the slightest bit literate; her talents lay on the quiditch pitch, not on parchment. But here she was seemingly impressed with herself and desperate for me to read her work of art. "I wrote a play" she chimes.

* * *

Scene 1- Two detectives stand in the pouring rain waiting for a package. The one on the right is tall, blonde, in a green velvet cloak, carrying an umbrella, a gun under her coat. Girl on the left, is slightly shorter, in a purple velvet cloak, with the money. (Less attractive)

A man approaches. Bad teeth, big nose.

Man: "Have you got the money?"

Girl 1: "It's in here"

Man: "Hand it over"

Girl 1: "Show us the package first"

Man pulls out package and hands it to Girl 2; Girl 2 takes package and hands it to Girl 1.

Girl 1 shakes the package, and then looks up at man.

Man: "Now give us the money and we'll be leaving"

Girl 1 pulls out gun and passes umbrella to Girl 2.

Girl 1: "That is not the package we asked for"

Girl 2: "What are you doing?"

Girl 1: "Teaching this man's boss, not to mess with me" She steps closer. Man looks scared.

Man: "What are you doing?"

Girl 1: "Where's the real package?"

Man: "I don't know, that's all they gave me"

Girl 1: "It's a pity I don't believe you"

Girl 2: "What's going on?"

Girl 1: "It seems big nose here mistakes us for a couple of fools. How long did you really think it would take me to figure out that what we wanted isn't supposed to tick?"

Man: "I don't know what you're talking about.

Girl 1: "Oh I think you do"

"Good isn't it?" Maysie says when I hand the paper back to her

"I can't believe that it what you've been working on this entire time" I scoff, trying to hold back laughter.

"What? It's pure genius! Let's rehearse!"

"Not on the beach" I say as she drags me towards the door.

"Yes on the beach, where else?"

"But there are people on the beach, and besides we don't even have a man."

"Right, where's your dad"

"No, Maysie no" But before I can stop her, she's running up the stairs calling my dad's name.

It's times like this when I wish my dad was one of those dads that hated doing things. That he would just sit in a chair all day doing cross word puzzles. That he would not think it a good idea to go out in public and read a crappy script with his daughter and her best mate causing said daughter extreme humiliation.

* * *

"Look irritated" Maysie told me. That was not going to be hard. "ACTION" She shouted and clapped her hands together.

My dad walked up to us.

After consulting the page in much more detail that is required to say a five word line he finally said "Have you got the money?" Oh Merlin; my dad has no acting skills. None, whatsoever. That was dismal. D-ismal.

"It's in here" said Maysie in a totally fake American accent. But if you put aside her awful accent, she was actually a decent actress, well better than my dad anyway.

"Lily it's your line" Maysie's irritated voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"Sorry"

"No you say, what are you doing?"

"I know, I was saying sorry to you and then I was going to say my line!"

"We're wasting precious time here, say the ruddy line."

"Fine. What are you doing?" I'm pretty sure I was better than my dad and Maysie just wanted to pick on me, she told me I was rubbish and had to say my line again.

"What I don't get is why you shoot him in the first place?"

"Because he gives us a bomb for a package"

"Well can't I shoot him; I think I seem more like the character that would shoot him" I complained extending my arms at ear height and joining my index fingers to make an imaginary gun.

"Lily" my dad said "Maysie put effort into this, the least you could do is try" He says that, but to be honest, I think he's seen the error of his ways and wants to get this over and done with as soon as is humanly possible.

"Thank you Mr Evans"

"Can we stop this?" I begged

"Lily, do it properly"

"Grajfoemodkfi" I moan and flail my arms about, well I do until I hit something rather hard which turned out to be James.

"Ow" he screamed as I clutched my arm to my chest.

Maysie erupted into a fit of laughter as James idly rubbed his chest. "What did you do that for?" his water blue eyes searched mine.

"Yeah Lily, what was that for?" Maysie asked me. I snapped my head around and gave her my best you-better-shut-your-mouth-before-I-shut-it-for-you glare but she was doubled over in a fit of hysteria and didn't notice.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked James coldly crossing my arms across my chest.

"Uh, I need to talk to you" he said nervously stuffing his hands in his pockets. Bloody twit.

* * *

_A/n: So it's been far too long since I've updated, I am very sorry for that. Also, I changed the name of the story, so sorry if that caused any confusion for anyone. So, I say this every time, but I'm really nervous about whether this chapter was actually godd or not. Especially the reason theyh had to go out to the beach, not really sure whether I like that, so I might actually end up changing it, but I couldn't make you wait any longer for it. _

_Oh and another reason for the delay is I was excited to write the next chapter, so I actually started writing that before I finished this chapter, which means it should be up soon._

_Also I know I don't have a set say that I update on, I kind of just update as and when, but from now on, I'm thinking of making Sunday my update day. It will most likely be around this time as well._

_That's all from me for now, keep the reviews coming!_

_Emily_


	9. Chapter 9: Beach escapades

We stood for a minute in an awkward silence watching my dad walk helplessly back up to the house, followed by Maysie who was still in hysterics over the whole thing. I turned back to face James who was trying to dig his foot into the sand. I wondered for a minute if I did the same thing, then I could make a big enough hole to hide myself in so we didn't have to have this conversation.

It became apparent that that wasn't going to happen, and also, that I was going to have to start the conversation.

"Look James, I know what you're going to say-" I started

"No you don't" His expression was calm, but the tenseness in his voice betrayed him, and made him sound angry.

"Yes I do, you're going to tell me I'm over reacting, that the kiss was no big deal, well believe it or not James, I don't get kissed that often, or not like that anyway, it's not me, and I won't do it. I'm not you." I can tell the words hurt him; he turns his back to me and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean that, that, that I'm not like those girls at school. I'm not going to sleep with you-"

"What?" Shit. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could even say them in my head. I hadn't even thought about that. I mean, yes he used to, well so I've heard anyways, I mean he's James, he has a reputation. What else did he expect me to believe? And if he hadn't wanted me to believe it then he could have done something about it, he knew full well what people thought of him so it was his own ruddy fault. I think.

I mean now that I actually think about it, maybe he didn't actually know what people said about him. I know people have told _me_ things about him; Cassidy Farrington had gone and announced to the entire common room that she had slept with James only minutes before. I believed it because well… he was Potter, so why wouldn't I believe it? But not knowing doesn't sound like something James would do, he's always been the talk of the school, and he knows it to.

Having said that, maybe he does know of his reputation and simply doesn't care. He's never really cared for anyone else's opinion before, so why would he? He's James, everyone loves him blah, blah, blah. But still it's not something you could just sit and let happen. If it were the other way around, I can guarantee that I would be trying desperately to get rid of the gossip, true or not true.

"Nothing" He spins back to face me, his face entirely devoid of emotion.

"You still think of me like that don't you, Lily I'm not like that anymore." he goes to place his hand on my arm, but thinks better of it.

"Of course I still think of you like that. It's only been a week and a bit." I'm right, he can tell me he's changed all he likes, but I've only actually been with him a short while and he's already kissed me. Again I hadn't thought about that, it has only been a week. How can you really get to know a person properly in a week?

You can't that's the answer, you can't get to know a person, or not properly, in a week.

"So, you like me don't you?" he asked quizzically a moment later.

"That doesn't mean-"

"You like me don't you?" His words hung heavy in my head.

I thought about it for a minute before responding, trying to fathom exactly what I was going to say, something that wouldn't sound stupid or ridiculous "Yes… I think, but not like that"

"Why?"

"Why? Because I'm not that easily fooled. I don't fall for somebody that quickly, and if you don't know that, then, then you don't know me as well as you thought."

"But if you like me-"

"But I don't like you like that, can you honestly tell me that in the past week and a bit you've grown too really like me? I mean honestly? James you can't expect me to just drop everything and love you because you've been nice to me for a week and a half, it doesn't happen that way."

"Well why not?"

"Because it's ridiculous, we've been through this James"

"Yeh and you left" he hesitates for a moment "Lily, you don't have to- I mean I know it's hard for you, but-"

"You know it's hard for me? Do you? Because I don't think you do James"

"Lily I understand perfectly well-" he starts

"No you don't" I choke the words out.

"That's not true Lily"

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

"No James, it is true. You have a family, a lovely one. You think life is hard for you just because you don't get your way all the time, you have no idea. You came to Hogwarts knowing everything; hell I didn't even know how to get onto platform 9 and 3/4. I never had a dad to teach me quiditch, or a mum to show me charms, I came in knowing nothing. Nothing, I hadn't a clue about anything and to make things worse I had 4 little brats trying to make my life harder-"

He looks as if he's about to speak, but thinks better of it. "Then when I was finally beginning to find my way, I knew what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be and how to get there, the world decided my life is getting too easy and kills my mum. You really just cannot understand what that was like for me, to see everyone's faces, to see my mum disappear into the air on the top of a hill. You will _never_ understand what it's like."

"Lily I know it's been hard for you but-" he tries again

"James be quiet-" I shout

"No Lily, you had your time to explain" I don't know what made me shut up, maybe it was because he had never lost his temper with me before, don't get me wrong I've seen him lose his temper countless times before, it's just… with it directed at me, I suddenly felt intimidated?

"Do you know what I think?" he asks, his tone seems calm, but a spark in his eyes makes me think he's angry "I think the reason you won't give me a chance is because you're afraid" he explains. James's words reminded me so much of when I was younger, when Petunia would boss me around and tell me what was best for me. She would say I was too young to understand what was really going on and that maybe if I took my head out of the clouds for a minute then I wouldn't be such a freak.

"Afraid? Bollocks." This time, I turn away, and try to erase the similarities between James and Petunia from my memory.

I feel his hand on my shoulder and let him spin me back around to face him. His cold hard eyes are fixated on mine and for some reason I am incapable of running away. I want to run. I want to run straight out into the sea and swim forever. That would make things a hell of a lot easier. I'd never have to see him again or talk to him again, or deal with anyone ever again. I could start a new life. A new life in the sea. I could go and live in the underwater kingdom of Merfolk, and marry Prince Eric, I've always fancied myself a prince. And honestly at this moment in time, I would happily replace Maysie with a flounder.

"I don't think it is Lily, you're afraid. You're afraid of losing again. You think that if you cling onto me you'll lose me, like you did with your mum, and that scares you"

"And just why would that scare me"

He huffs and shakes his head ever so slightly "Because, if you actually accept the fact that not everyone leaves, you won't be able to baracade yourself behind those freaking books, you'll actually have to take a risk, and taking a risk scared the crap out of you" Shut up James "You try so hard to please your dad that you don't even _think_ about pleasing yourself" Shut up.

"James you know that's not true"

"You think I don't understand what it's like to lose someone you love?" he shouts, he doesn't seem to recognize I've just spoken, or he does and has just chosen to ignore it.

I narrow my eyes "Yes, when have you ever lost someone, you have the perfect family and the perfect parents and you know it, just because you get detention every now and then does not mean your life is awful, you bring that upon yourself"

"Oh my family is far from perfect Lily" he speaks slowly, with a kind of sincerity and mystery I haven't seen before, but it didn't stop me.

"What oh I'm sorry is the house not big enough for you? Did your daddy forget to tie your shoes this morning?" I mock.

James lets out a frustrated sound and turns his back to me, pacing a few steps. When he spins back round, his cheeks are splotchy and I suddenly feel guilty, annoyed, and stupid, a whole array of different emotions (none of them particularly good), I wonder where I can purchase a new mouth. One that thinks before it acts, so I don't constantly find myself in situations like this. I should tell James I regret it, that I'm wrong and sorry, but I don't. I just stand staring at him, my heart pounding against the walls of my chest as the waves engulf my ankles every few seconds.

"You mean Tom?" he asks in a calmer tone, one I was not expecting, although the anger is still there.

I nodded my head.

"Tom isn't my dad! He's my step-dad. You think I don't know about losing people? When I was 5 years old my dad left us. I don't know why, I don't know exactly when and I have no idea where the hell he is now! Me and mum were alone for a long time Lily. At least you still have memories of your Mum Lily" He tries to wipe a tear off his face before I can notice it.

Well…

I…

I er…

I think it's safe to say that I was, positively speechless.

"Well I didn't know that-"

"Yeh" James's scowl was mutinous.

"But you know in a way that's better, you never got to know him. You never got attached to him" I tried to reason.

"You think that's better? That's not better!"

I know that's not better but I can't admit to it. James's life was _not_ worse than mine.

"That's not right!" I manage to croak.

"Psh, you know it is Lily. But you know what, I don't care. I'm not having an argument about who's got it worse. Lily what you've experienced is crap and no one should have to go through it. But you're not the only one who goes through shit!"

"You don't think I know that? You think I'm that self-absorbed that I don't realise that other people have problems as well?" The hatred in my voice surprises me, as it does James.

"I don't think your self-absorbed Lily" he says calmly and shoves his foot into the wet sand.

As he idled towards me, I contemplated whether or not to take a step back, but by the time my legs have jolted to life, his hand was placed in the small of my back, keeping me locked in position.

"What am I supposed to do, when the girl I want, doesn't want to even talk to me" He whispered into my ear. I dropped my head into the crook of his neck. "Lily, I don't care about what's happened to you, or how you feel about yourself. You're you, and that's damn good enough for me." My heart pounded in my throat and I was afraid that if I opened my mouth to speak –or even take a breath, it would jump right out of my mouth.

He pulled away; his smile was crooked and bent as his bright eyes stared sincerely into mine. It took me a moment to catch my breath before I could fully function what had just gone on.

I don't think James was expecting me to give in so easily, but as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his, his expression changed to something that resembled contentment. Pulling back I flicked my eyes up at him and laughed nervously, he ignored this. His fingertips moved slowly along my neck, under my hairline as he tilted my head up so our lips met, sending an electric shiver down my spine.

While I was looking into his tantalizing eyes and seeing that familiar bright smile spread across his face, something occurred to me. It's amazing how feelings can change so quickly. It was only days before, that I wouldn't have given a second thought to James, yet recently I'd found myself questioning his whereabouts and caring about him, and what he thinks of me. But it only took a week and a half. Now I can replay again and again in my head, a montage of all his fascinating movements.

It's still a mystery to me, how all this actually came to happen. It's crazy really, crazy, but amazing.

* * *

I looked down at the floor and chewed the inside of my gums, trying my very hardest to push down the excited feeling creeping up my throat. It was only when I looked up, I noticed Maysie had constructed herself a small fort made out of cushions on the hammock; the sly grin on her face told me that she had watched the whole escapade- and enjoyed it was too much for her own good.

So instead of being a normal friend and waiting for me to talk to her, she threw caution to the wind and full on ambushed me when I was only a few steps up the porch. "I'm thinking of renaming you Lily, to something more… more fitting to your new personality"

"What like?" I asked as she followed alongside me to newly, however not in the slightest bit well-built Hammock/fort. All things said about Maysie's terrible fort making skills, the hammock failed to make me anything less than comfortable and ensconced.

"Hmmm well I was thinking something a little more Slag like, I mean you can hardly be called something as innocent as Lily when you snog guys senseless in the middle of the beach."

"Hey, if anyone's a slag here it's you" she cocked her head to the side and scoffed, now I may not be all that co-ordinated/lucky/pretty- you get the picture, I make up for my lack in these things with my extraordinarily vivid memory… well I say it's extraordinarily vivid, make no mistake it is… when it wants to be. It seems to fail me almost every lesson in remembering how to transfigure this is into that blah blah blah. "At least I can keep my snogging to a more private serene setting. Need I not remind you of the time you and Sirius snogged in the middle of a quiditch match, I mean really May, even _you_ have to admit that was a bit much."

"I did not do that"

"You did, what happened to, oh I have a date with Sirius, hand me the slag top, oh and lets just throw dignity to the wind, I'll take the slag heels to, at least my slaggy events aren't planned, they just happen by accident!"

"You should be commending me, at least I'm organised!"

"Oh how the tables have turned, it doesn't feel nice being pestered about your slaggy ways does it now?"

"Oh shut up, you're the one who snogs guys on the beach"

"Hey, I never meant it to lead to that! I was going to tell him to get lost, in fact I did tell him to get lost, and it's not my fault the idiot is incapable of following simple instructions"

"It was still horrible to view"

"Nobody was on the ruddy beach to view it, and you chose to watch!"

"Alone on the beach? Kinky"

"The middle of the quiditch pitch at night? Kinky" I say opening the door. When I turn around her mouth has dropped in mock surprise.

"Okay let's just agree we are both slags?" she offers trailing in after me.

"I take offence to the term slag; I am simply exploring my options" I say with more authority this time.

"In James's mouth!" was her addendum.

"Ssshhh keep your voice down, I have a father somewhere who may well be listening" I point out as she pushes past me into the kitchen.

"Well personally I think it's his business to know of his daughter's slaggy ways but-" she's stopped mid-sentence as I clamp my hand over her mouth. Remind me again why I haven't killed this girl. I mean she just causes problems for me.

* * *

_A/n: Well hello there my fellow readers, It seems James has re-entered the story properly again, much to my delight. I hope you all had a marvelous 27th march sitting in your bed, sobbing, whilst reading birthday one shots about James, I know I did. _

_Bit of a short message but thank you to everyone who reveiwed, I hope you're all having a lovely easter!_

_Emily_


	10. Chapter 10: Hidden talents

I wonder what the penalty for hexing roommates/best friend (although I'm thinking of reconsidering that title).

Loss of limb? Azkaban? Death?

"Lily and I'll go" That's the thing about Maysie – what would seem a harmless phrase when taken out of context, is actually her dark and devious little mind devising a sentence to make me suffer. As if I needed any more suffering. My bad karma handles my suffering just fine on its own without, the help of evil best friends –who are going to get themselves injured by victimised witches if they don't stop spluttering out things before they've realised the consequences of what their traitorous mouth.

"Lily and I'll do what?" I asked entering the kitchen. Now I expected to see my dad sat across from her clutching that damned Spanish newspaper, beaming as Maysie had just volunteered us to sweep the porch or clean the gutters or something else labour induced that I would not enjoy.

"_We…"_ she pronounced hopping off her seat and swiftly skidding across the floor to place her empty plate in the sink "will go and invite the Potters over for a barbecue tomorrow night." I shoot her a look that says you-better-reverse-what-you-just-said-that-is-not- going-to-happen, but instead of reading my face, she simply flashed me a set of even toothed teeth and continued "we were going to hang out with James anyways" she says impetuously, or at least I think it was impetuously. It surely sounded impetuous, but this is Maysie, who knows what goes on in that twisted little head of hers.

"We were?" I say through gritted teeth, mentally strangling the girl in my head.

"Yes we were, don't you remember, you said so last night, after you came In" she cocks an eyebrow as her derisive smile grows wider.

"Hm I don't seem to remember that" I reply replicating her eyebrow.

"Really? I distinctly remember it. You suggested it right after you told me all about how you sedu-"

"Right, now I remember" I say dragging her out the kitchen by the shirt.

"What do you think you're doing? I don't want to go to James's house"

"So it was a one night stand type of thing? I get it totally, although when I spoke to him this morning he disagreed, he seems to think that the two of you are something of a couple"

"Well he is clearly deluded, we're not- well we are- but we're- its complicat- when did you speak to James?"

"This morning" she chimes skipping down the hallway.

"What did he say?" I question following her.

She gives the left side of her nose a small tap and heads up the stairs.

Annoyed, but undaunted, I reiterated my prior inquiry "What did he say?"

"I'm afraid that's between the two of us, but I will tell you this" she blurts before I can object "the boy is _very_ dirty minded" She really is an idiot. "C'mon, you have to get dressed, oh Merlin this is not going to be easy, I've seen the contents of your wardrobe"

"Excuse me-"

"Nope we haven't time to go shopping, I'll just have to see what I can muster up" she says after checking her watch

"Why haven't we got time? Maysie what's going on?"

The thing is, I tried to object, I tried my very hardest, but she refused to give me any useful information and just continued flinging pieces of clothing at me and saying things like 'nope not slaggy enough.'

"Will you p-lease tell me what's going on"

"Patience grasshopper" she says thrusting a dress into my arms. She drops down next to me on the bed, jostling the mattress. "Now, get dressed so we can move onto the next stage"

"The next stage of what?"

"Transformation"

"The transformation of what?"

"Of you"

Gee thanks, that helps.

"Would you like to elaborate?"

"Well, you see, I was out this morning and I just so happened to run into your boytoy" By that she means she was spying on him from the window, waiting for him to come out so she could ambush him about something I am yet to discover, "and we both agreed that you two couldn't be properly be addressed as boyfriend and girlfriend until you had a first date, and c'mon Lilium, this is you, you need my help" she gets up from the bed and looks me up and down "I really did not know what I was getting myself in for when I decided to try and transform you into a suitable girlfriend, it's going to be a much bigger task than I previously anticipated" and by _that_ she means she _'informed' _James of this and didn't leave him alone until he agreed.

"I am date material" I had meant to sound stern, but it came out rather childlike. I was anticipating the continued bemusment at my vehement proclamation, something like "Oh I'm sorry", or even a simple (non sarcastic) nod of her head. I would have been perfectly happy receiving either.

So my disappointment was understandable when she said "Okay, you're date material" in that, oh so familiar sarcastic tone.

Which is rather rude really. Well I thought it was rather rude. Until I realised, well… she's completely right. I haven't actually been on a date in over a year, which sounds bloody pathetic really. I mean, I've had boyfriends, but they were never really serious relationships, or anything worth spending time remembering.

No, I have never made a fire and burned photographs of my ex dear beloved or been on a romantic adventure or anything beyond a normal date in the three broomsticks, (or that one time my mum set me up with the son of one of her book club 'buddies', anyways that wasn't much better, I think he was trying to be gentle and nurturing but honestly, it was all the time. Yes, I can open my door. Yes, I can order for myself. Yes, I don't need a bloody bathroom escort. Oh but now that you mention it, I do need someone to take my hand and help me up off my bloody SEAT. Really mum, is that the best you can do?)

She left me to get dressed, promising her return in 10 minutes, when she would teach me how to talk and walk properly.

I had literally just finished getting ready when I noticed the owl perched on my window ledge. So I untied the note and it merely read…

_To my Golden Snitch_

_You look best in blue_

_J._

Git.

I turn around still clutching the note, grinning like an idiot. I walk over to my bedside table and put the note in the top drawer.

To my golden snitch? Did he just call me his golden snitch? What the ruddy hell does that mean? Am I supposed to take that as an offence? Or am I supposed to laugh? What exactly was he implying? It just so happened I was already wearing something blue (Jeans), and despite my asking, Maysie refused to let me changed. I didn't tell her the real reason I wanted to change (I could only imagine the smug smile James would be wearing when he sees I am, in fact wearing blue, as he asked), for some obscene reason I was not aware of yet, I wanted to keep the note to myself. The note sharing thing was mine and James's, and part of me wanted to keep it that way.

Eventually, we settled on an outfit. A dark blue dress (much to my dislike, it's like Maysie planned it ahead with James, purposely to embarrass me), it's rather impractical but to be honest, I do look rather good in it if I do say so myself. I borrowed a pair of shoes of Maysie's, a pair of slip on black shoe/sandals.

"Okay" said Maysie, eyeing me "I think you'll just about do" she pronounced plucking an imaginary piece of lint off my shoulder.

It was only then, as we tumbled down the stairs (I mean we quite literally tumbled down the stairs, it seems Maysie's flinging of clothes meant there was a top she didn't see at the top of the stairs, she got her foot caught in it and, of course, the first thing she grabbed onto was my arm, which meant we both went flying. There were no fatal injuries, unless you count out dignity –which I don't), that the nerves finally kicked in.

I was going on a date with James Potter. And despite Maysie giving me a few pointers I had no idea what to do, she refused to tell me anything more so for all I know we could be going on some huge magical adventure, which I hope we're not as the dress isn't exactly adventure friendly.

So yes, I was, to say the least, absolutely shaking with nerves. I had no idea what to do, what to talk about. Oh and this is Potter? What if he, you know, tries something. And I could hardly ask Maysie for advice on what to do if you find your potential boyfriends hand wandering somewhere you'd really rather it didn't. She's probably be in hysterics and I'd never live it down.

We hop up onto James's porch and Maysie stares me up and down, making sure the fall didn't do any damage to her Girl Lily prodigy. Once she's happy I knock on the door and stand quaking in my shoes.

I am relieved when it's James that opens the door and not Mr or Mrs Potter. At least I don't have to go through some meaningless chit chat that will make me even more nervous.

He steps forward, gleaming. My fingers find his, fumbling, and he guides them into his own. He leans down to my ear and whispers "I told you, you look lovely in blue." As hard as I tried, I couldn't help supress a smile.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I whisper back

"No" he whispers back and even though I can't see it, the way he said it, it sounded like he was smiling. I look up at him, he's smiling.

And all the while he spoke, Maysie just stood there with her arms folded, basking in her victory.

* * *

_Four days later…_

It was wonderful to be with James, just the two of us. But I knew in the back of my mind that the happiness of having my head resting on his shoulder, just being in such close proximity with him, wasn't going to last much longer. It would not be long before James awoke and he started to take about the dead aurors he had read about, that his mum worked with.

But until then, I would enjoy being so close to him. I took a moment to survey the room; the fire was burning out and felt goose bumps rising along my arms as I pulled the blanket up to my chin, trying not to disturb James. Through a gap in the flowing blue curtains, I could just about make out the trees. They towered over the house, their branches shielding us from the moonlight.

It soon became apparent, as I was staring around the dark room, that sleep was not coming. I slid out from under James's arm, and tiptoed quietly out the door. I didn't know James's house well and had actually only been in the kitchen and living room. I thought for a second what James's room would look like. I had previously thought it would be plastered in quiditch posters, with broomsticks and trophies on every space available. But if it were anything like the rest of the house, I should be expecting dusty books the size of my head and crystal chandeliers.

I contemplated whether to stick to the places I knew, or to venture off. But my track record for getting lost was quite extensive so I headed towards the kitchen.

In the midst of things I forgot about how rich James was and he has house elves running the place, it would have been pretty handy information to have remembered as well because it would have saved the huge bruise arising on my leg. It wasn't my fault, I mean it was, but it wasn't.

I opened the door to the kitchen and took a step in, not expecting to be greeted by a little creature type thing, the creature didn't expect to me either I guessed as when I stepped in it dropped the pot it was cleaning, causing hot water to run along the floor. By now I'm sure you're all aware I was a murderer in another life and as a punishment I have been given extremely bad karma, I slipped in the water and plummeted to the floor landing flat on my backside.

The house elf was rather sweet actually, it helped me up without a word, abandoning the chore it had previously been doing and when I offered to help clear up, it stared up at me, with a sense of bewilderment in its cold sea coloured eyes.

I didn't feel as if I could stay in there any longer without my guilty conscious getting the better of me, so I backed slowly out of the kitchen and into the dimly lit hallway. It was a rather daunting place really. Aside from Hogwarts, it was the biggest place I'd ever really stayed in, and at Hogwarts there was always people everywhere, so I didn't feel as scared and alone. But here, I only knew of 5 people being in here. Anything could happen, anyone could break in and they'd have no idea, because they'd be on the other side of the mansion.

I wondered what it must have been like for James to grow up in a place like this, it was magnificent, but at the same time, it isn't really a place for a child. You could hardly run around like a normal child, and it wasn't as if he had any siblings to play with even if he could have run around.

I decided to go back to the living room as the houses eeriness became too frightening, and it was the only other room I could guarantee there was someone I knew in.

But when I got back to the living room and found it empty; I began to hear a soft airy tune. The melody started to grow louder, at which point I realised it was a piano. Or at least it sounded like a piano. It was being played quietly, but with such confidence and desire, I found myself trying to find the source of the noise.

I sneaked out into the hallway and tried to find the room which the music was coming from. The door was so pristine that I felt wary of getting so much as a finger print on it as I pushed it open. James was sat at a shiny black piano, with his back to me. I felt a gush of relief that he hadn't seen me. As I listened to him play and watched his fingers travel gently up and down the piano, it became apparent that James was no stranger to it and had clearly spent a lot of time practicing.

There was a large bookcase in which hundreds of pages of music sheets were stacked. There was one right by the door with James's which had been crumpled up and tossed over his shoulder I guessed. He seemed so at ease sat at the piano; it was almost like when he was on the quiditch pitch, lost in his own little world, unable to focus on anything else but the task at hand.

It was actually quite therapeutic watching his fingers glide along each key with a grandeur I'd never seen in him before.

"Are you going to just stand there and gawp?" his question startled me and I felt my face flush red.

"I was just- I didn't know you could- how long have you been able to- I'm sorry" I spluttered unable to get a sentence together as all my thoughts spilled from my mouth.

James let out a soft, however compellingly reassuring chuckle.

"Come here" he says and I follow his instructions

"I didn't know you could play the piano" I say pressing one of the keys and sitting on the seat next to James. It's only when he slings his arm over my shoulder and I feel the warmth emanate from his body, I realise just how cold I really was. I drop my head into his shoulder and he wraps his other arm around me.

"It'll be alright" he says disregarding my previous statement "they'll be fine"

I couldn't find the words to say so I just nodded slightly and clutched him as tightly as he clutched me.

* * *

_A/n: Okay so it's rather evil of me to do this to you, as none of it makes any sense, or at least not yet. _

_P.s If you're in England I hope you're all watching nowhere boy on film 4, where our beloved Aaaron Johnson/James Potter is._

_Emily_


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